The Human
by AllyKat8
Summary: Twenty years after the events of The Host, the interspecies family isn't the hopeful future that everybody thought it would be. Lilies of the Valley knows that fear can make monsters of the kindest of Souls and humans are not the only species capable of prejudice. On the run, Lily must fight for her humanity as history begins to repeat itself. Both Host and new characters.
1. Escaped

***For the purpose of questions raised about this FanFic I have started a Q&A on my bio, feel free to take a look.***

**Hello Darlings! I felt I just wanted to throw a few little notices out there before you - hopefully - jump right into this. **

**Firstly, I am English. It's undeniable and it also means that any attempt to write this with Americanisms would just be disastrous. There will probably be the odd one in there, just because it flows better but as this is Fan Fiction it will just have to be that way. **

**Secondly, I will probably be using that wonderful 'artistic licence' because, whilst sequels to **_**The Host**_** are underway, they're not here yet. My point being, the world twenty years after the novel will purely be my own imaginings. **

**And finally, this will probably be a slight mix of both film and book. As much as I love the book, and all past events will be as the book states, it does make it easier to stick with the main characters selected in the film as I'll obviously be adding new characters. Plus I actually really like what they did with the characters, which is unusual for me. Erm, character descriptions will probably follow a similar thread to the film as well, just because it's more visual (have you noticed how many dark haired characters there are in the books?) and makes the characters easily distinguishable.**

**Other than that, which was ridiculously long, I really hope you enjoy this little tale of mine. **

Chapter One

The light flickered white hot through my eyelids, red and blinding. Too bright and far too close for my liking. It certainly did little to calm the dull pounding in my head. I had the strange prickling sensation of 'pins and needles' in my fingers and my toes, like I was coming back from... from where? The darkness. It had engulfed me as I remembered it but I didn't feel like I had been sleeping. Perhaps I was merely drifting for awhile, but that couldn't be right.

There was new pain. Just above my eyebrow, a sharp burning. _A cut_, I thought, _or perhaps it really is a burn_. I could imagine my blood pooling around it, the air licking at it like a cat with its abrasive tongue, cleaning it, cooling it but also causing the pain to sear through me again. I gasped at the sting of it, my eyelids fluttering open against the vivid orb of light shining squarely into my face. Protesting, I attempted to sit up but they were pushing me down. They? They were everywhere. My eyes had adjusted and I could see them all now.

My mother, blond and lovely, looked pale but otherwise calm as she leaned against a white counter with a sleek silver basin. Beside her, my father seemed torn between a smile and a frown and that slight hint of worry made him seem like the most human person in the room. He stared at me with silver eyes before redirecting his gaze to a tall, lanky Healer, whom by now seemed to be standing abnormally close to me, examining my head warily. I noticed the Healer's lips moving but the words seemed late to reach my ears, like the sound around me was out of sync.

"Lily, my name is Healer Rivers. Can you hear me?"

He was a strange looking man. His thin arms stretched down from broad but skeletal shoulders. His neck reminded me of a giraffe, slender and stretched but it made his square jaw look oddly comical. I supposed giraffes looked pretty funny too. The tan that darkened his skin made me wonder how he would look tearing at the tree tops for food.

"Lily, you are not being polite."

This voice was female. As the world began to focus properly I could see this reproach came from my mother. Her voice held the same serene tone as her demeanour but the scold behind it was still buried beneath, easily distinguishable to a finely tuned ear from years of admonishment. I wondered sometimes what it would have been like, the colonisation. Was it exciting? Or were they nervous? Could Souls be nervous back then? It was easier now that the Souls had been with their Hosts for so long. The emotions, overpowering as they were apparently, seemed easier to embrace but it was a fine line between the deep seething anger of the human heart and the brief glimpse of frustration that mother often felt at my behaviour.

Thinking of her, my gaze fell on her narrow eyes. Her Host had a kind face despite her sharp features. It was a face that looked incomplete without a smile, but she was not smiling now, only regarding me with that same peaceful and insufferable expression.

"Where am I?" My voice came out mixed with a groggy sleepiness.

I looked around at the room. The air was dry and the bare white walls seemed to reflect the intense lights into every space, filling the room with a harsh, clinical brightness.

It was my father who answered my question.

"You're at the Healing centre. You fainted, Lily. Do you remember?"

He still looked concerned. His eyes were just a little too wide, stretching the creases that spread from the corners. I could see them crinkle when he smiled in my memories. Now he was stepping towards me. He was slow, not too anxious, but still his entire body seemed to burn with a need to be close to me. This had often confused me and I wondered again how he could be so... so well adjusted to human emotions.

"Yes," I said confidently, remembering the way the ground had come up to meet me. The nauseating dizziness swirled in my head again as I recalled the sickening thud with which my head hit the desk of the Comforter's office.

"I still think we should have done it whilst she was asleep, Arthur, it would have been quicker, easier." My mother's voice wrapped around my father's name like a verbal cringe, like her very nature rejected. His Host's name. It was her words though that sent a shiver rocking through me.

It came in flashes now. The birthday cake, a poor choice as there was nobody left now to invite to a party. One by one their eyes had turned silver until my whole class, every friend I had, was wiped away, their bodies the only glimmer of my childhood companions. I noticed it first amongst my peers but slowly even those in years below me were lost. I was late. So very late. 'Resistant,' my mother said. 'Stubborn,' said my father. I liked to think of it as 'human.'

I never knew how many of them had been given the choice. I'd never thought to ask. It wasn't in a Soul's nature to force anything on anyone, especially not insertion.

I shuddered internally again.

And yet they had all succumbed so easily. It was like a whirlwind the way they all just... changed one day, like it was the most natural thing for them, for everybody. Apparently not for me though. My eyes pricked and my throat burned as I thought of the final choice. It had been a compromise to begin with. Nineteen years on Earth was what I had asked for. A strange number but it seemed about right. Eighteen was too cliché from the books I'd read, the books that I had stolen, the books condemned for their violence and intensity. Full of innocent teenage girls swept away by tall, dark, handsome strangers. Yes, eighteen was far too young, the years much too short. A tender age. Yet, twenty was too old, wasn't it? Practically an adult, and thus my dilemma began. So I had settled with this: nineteen.

Now it was here it was still too young. My throat constricted again.

This was not what hurt me so much though it did cause a dull ache in my chest. No, the stabbing pain in my heart wasn't from the years that were never long enough, it was the rejection. Nineteen years worth of birthdays, trips to the park, nights spent cuddled between my parents in front of the television, boring though the stilted acting was, would be wiped away. That was what they wanted; me gone and another Soul in my place.

Back in the present my head jolted towards her, my eyes alert now.

"No," I screamed at her, struggling to stand through the woozy feeling in my head. It was still pulsing, making my stomach churn. I lurched slightly and fell gently into my father's arms.

"Fire, please, I'm sure you can see you're scaring her," my father said, smoothing my hair.

I knew this was meant to be of comfort to me but his arms felt like they were suffocating me. I needed to move, to get away but the pang in my chest was there again. This time it was caused by the separation, by the way his arms still reached out for me. I could barely see. Everything before me looked like a collage of worried expressions and arms, so many arms reaching and clawing for me. My breath heaved and I could feel the familiar flow of adrenaline rushing through my legs begging me to run. It pumped through me and made my heartbeat thud in my ears.

In slow motion my next words formed in my brain. I felt them inch through my nerves to my lips until they opened and I spoke.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

Even as I hurled myself at the door I knew why I'd said it. It wasn't that I couldn't obey their wishes; I'd never be sorry for that, but there was a part of me that knew somewhere inside my father an equal part of him would miss me. He would worry over me and I felt selfish to cause it. But I wasn't a Soul, it was human of me to be selfish and for a moment I relished in it.

Behind me I heard my Healer calling after me, telling me he needed to heal the cut on my forehead but I ignored him the same way that I ignored my parents. I focused on the blood pounding in my ears, my gasping breath as fear and the thrill of exertion drove me down pristine white corridors. It was surprisingly empty for which I was grateful. It didn't last long however as I flew into the reception area. I stopped for a moment, caught off guard by the shocked faces that greeted me as both patients and Healer's appraised me with concerned eyes. Concerned, silver, shining eyes. The sick crunching of my stomach intensified and I could feel acid in the back of my throat. My head bobbed forward as my body convulsed a little and I fought the bile that rose in my throat.

Souls. Souls and then more Souls. There were too many off them. Everywhere.

As two Healers began to walk cautiously towards me I bolted for the sliding doors and they opened before me with a hiss. Outside the vomit would not remain contained and I hurled into a border of neatly trimmed shrubbery. My stomach gurgled as I spit the last gush of bitter liquid from my mouth but no more came.

They were coming again. The two Healers from a moment ago were walking towards me through the sliding doors, followed by both of my parents and Healer Rivers. The latter still clutched a cylinder of Heal - or perhaps it was Clean, I couldn't tell from here – in his hand.

My feet reacted beyond my control. Glancing back at their stunned faces one last time I threw myself forwards and began racing along the pavement. I crossed the road without looking, a very un-Soul-like exploit, to put just a little more distance between myself and my pursuers. I didn't know where I was going but I knew I needed to keep running. I couldn't go back there. I wouldn't let them push me away. If they caught me I would fight, fight with everything I had to stay, to keep my body. Did it work like that? Was fighting enough to keep your, I struggled for the word, 'consciousness' here?

My legs began to protest and my lungs burned as I continued the incessant sprinting. Would they follow me? How far could I run before my body gave up? Where was I going? Could I really just run away from them? The onslaught of questions kept me distracted as I raced aimlessly along each new road before I realised there were fewer and fewer buildings with each new turn that I took. I knew the healing facility was near the outskirts of town but I did not recognise the sandy landscape that was forming ahead of me, contrasting the neat, deep green grass of the suburbs.

In fact, the street around me was practically desolate. There were houses here still but they seemed abandoned too, most having fallen into disrepair. No doubt they were on a list somewhere, of homes waiting to be restored. There would be new Souls to fill them. I wasn't sure if that thought made me uncomfortable of not.

That thought made me feel exposed though and whilst it seemed I had lost my tail of worried followers I began running again. Every sound felt heightened now that the thumping in my head had calmed and I had caught my breath again. Despite this it seemed I noticed the roar of the Jeep too late to stop myself from running up a narrow alley between two houses, shoving myself through a narrow crack in the wooden fence at the end and unknowingly flitting into the road, and into its path.

**It feels cliché to say this but: Read and review?**


	2. Struggled

**Good morning… or at least its morning for me. **

**I always feel like the hardest part of a new story is the beginning before you've got your readers support behind you. So if you have given this a read I really hope you're enjoying, ya know, just a little. **

**Anyway, here's chapter two. **

Chapter Two

I'd never really felt like a rabbit in the headlights before. I'd always though it was a bit of a whimsical saying because in reality a Soul was much smarter than a rabbit. Souls didn't charge out in front of moving vehicles, but nor did they drive so fast. I expected some sort of noise as I gazed wide eyed and frozen at the Jeep but the breaks were silent as they squeezed the wheels tightly, jolting the Jeep to a stop no more than a foot away from me. I couldn't see the faces behind the windshield. For a moment I contemplated why there was no panicked Soul leaping from the Jeep to my aid, not that I was in need of any but that was just how Souls were. Selfless.

I backed away from the Jeep, in case it started forwards again.

I considered bolting again. I had stalled here for too long. What if I was wrong? What if I hadn't lost them? They wouldn't be as fast as me but surely it was foolish to take the chance. It all seemed too strange though. The unmoving Jeep. The desolate street. Maybe if I moved the Jeep would just carry on it path. But why wasn't the driver helping me? He could have killed me but there was still no movement. I narrowed my eyes in an attempt to squint through the windshield, to see who lay beyond but the baking sun was in my eyes and I couldn't see anything.

When I had finally given up, I decided to turn around and head back the other way but the driver's side door creaked open, almost nervously. A man stepped out and as his feet hit the floor the passenger side door swung open too. This one was faster, jumping out of the Jeep and slamming the door shut behind him. The first man, the driver, shut his door too though he merely rested it on the catch, not letting it close completely. He seemed afraid to make any movement that might make it difficult to make a quick exit.

He was reasonably tall, not as towering as the second man but tall enough to drown me in his long shadow. Thick, black shades covered his eyes. I suppose this made sense to me, the sun was very low in the sky and I almost wished I could take them from him to shield my own eyes from the piercing rays. He had a thick crop of black curling hair with flecks of silver running through it. I could see a hint of frown lines across his forehead and absentmindedly imagined he might be a brooding sort of man but I could also imagine he might have laugh lines around his eyes beneath his shades.

The second man was a stark contrast. He was not clean shaven like the driver but had soft blonde stubble that covered his jaw and chin and matched the shade of his short hair golden hair. He was taller than the first man and he wore the same shades. This made me suspicious. He stepped forwards slightly, silently, as did the driver. I took a step away from them instinctively.

The blonde one spoke first.

"We're not going to hurt you. Don't be afraid, please," he said clearly, holding two hands out in front of him, as though this would assuage my fears.

The tall, dark one seemed about to speak but suddenly another man joined us on the road. I meant to call out, too warn whatever unfortunate Soul had stumbled upon our confrontation but my voice stopped short as I noticed his dirty clothes and the same blade shades. Now that I noticed it they were all a little dirty. Their hair and faces looked recently washed but not truly clean, not like they'd really had a good shower in awhile but it was their crumpled clothes and the dark colours, easily concealing patches of dirt from a distance that put me on my guard, if I hadn't been already.

I watched the other boy lumber forward. He was a gangly individual, fully grown but just shy of average weight that made him look like he had been stretched. His hair was longer that the other two, blonde, like the passenger and I wondered if perhaps they were related but the younger boy seemed to sidle closer to the driver who was still edging closer to me. He looked to be stalking me though he was barely moving and my feet carried me unconsciously to the left, closer to the blonde who had promised not to harm me.

"Jared, what are you doing? The sun. You see her eyes. She's human," the man stated though his voice had a slight whine to it, like there was still a child there somewhere underneath. The shades swamped his face and I couldn't make out many of his features through the glaring sun but he seemed younger. A generation or so, he appeared perhaps thirty, thirty five? I couldn't tell.

The dark one, Jared, I remembered quickly had flinched when the younger blonde spoke. He doesn't want me to know his name, I realised.

The comprehension of what was really happening here dawn on me just seconds before the final nail in my before precarious coffin was hammered in.

"She's young too. She could easily be one of them. She doesn't need a parasite inside her to give us all away," Jared replied.

"Now hold on a minute, Jared," said the blonde man, a hint of a snarl in his voice. "You just watch who you're calling a parasite."

I felt my eyebrows knit together at this, my fear momentarily swayed to make way for curiosity. However it was this moment of distraction that bought me back to the seriousness of the situation.

Humans. Rogue humans. My own kind. There were more of them, of us. It wasn't just the few of us, the ones that said no. The rumours were true. There were others out there. I couldn't stop my heart from swelling a little at that and I think they saw it in my eyes. Their mouths tightened for a moment before the blonde's face softened again. Jared's jaw remained locked.

They wanted to kill me. Maybe that was a little dramatic on my side but the unknown clutched at me as I suddenly realised I didn't know how to talk to these people, to reason with them. I was too used to the Souls. I was too conditioned to them believing my every lie.

But I hadn't lied. I hadn't said a word. In fact it was as if they were looking at me through a pane of glass. They gazed at me but spoke as though I couldn't hear them. Except the tall blonde, the passenger, the only one who had really addressed me as though I might run away, which is what I did.

I wasn't ready to die, not now, not when I had only just escaped. It was too soon. Why was everything coming much too soon?

I didn't get very far. I didn't fall very far either. Despite my struggles the arms that encircled me from behind gripped tight and the body against my back twisted as though to protect me from the rough ground. My mind was in panic. I kicked my legs as the man dragged me to my feet and in front of me the younger man looked horrified but resigned also.

Jared came next. He clamped a calloused hand over my mouth and a shrill ringing that I though was just in my ears halted abruptly. I'd been screaming. He looked around quickly, surveying the street but apparently my protests had not alerted anyone to my distress. I was alone. The awareness of that fact crushed down on me. At first I thought the pressure on my chest was from the blondes arms wrapped tight around me but I found his grip had loosened. Was he trying to make me more comfortable? It was an absurd thought but it popped into my head nonetheless.

I gave a futile attempt to shimmy free of his hold but he tightened it again at the same moment I felt my flailing legs connect with Jared's thigh. He grunted softly but it seemed to cause him little pain.

They kept edging me towards the Jeep as fast as they could with my fighting. Suddenly my mouth was free. I gasped and my eyes were wide as Jared began to run towards Jeep.

I focused now and began to aim my frantic kicks at the man holding me.

"Jamie! Grab her legs," Jared shouted over his shoulder, reaching into the back of the Jeep. Whatever he was looking for it appeared to be eluding him and he quickened his search. I could hear a shuffling as he shoved things aside in the back of the Jeep, searching and no doubt making room for my body too.

My body. This body. Mine. My own. It belonged to me as it had only ever belonged to me. I wanted to smile at that but I couldn't. The terror was too strong to ignore and it racked my body with frenzied shivers as my adrenaline mixed with blind boldness that forced me to keep punching at them and kicking best I could.

My legs were still free and the younger blonde, the one Jared had called 'Jamie' looked reluctant.

"Jamie!" Jared barked again.

"I'm sorry," Jamie mouthed as he stalked towards me and after some frustrating struggle managed to wrap his arms around my legs like a vice.

'I'm sorry.' The same words I had whispered before I ran. They were different now. Their meaning was different.

We moved quicker now. The only evidence of my struggle was my bare, clenching abdomen as my shirt yanked up from the force of my wriggling. The Jeep door was before me. Open and waiting.

I briefly noticed that Jared's torso was bare, this tanned skin exposed and his shirt scrunched in his hand. It was soaked in a liquid with a smell that I didn't recognise. Jared shoved the damp shirt at my face and I spluttered, unable to stop my gasping breaths drawing the strange substance into my lungs.

The world faded to black.

**A slightly shorter chapter but this felt like the right place to end it. Hope you like it. **


	3. Named

**Two chapters in one day! I must be on a role… or maybe I just have a really big break at college and decided to get cracking on this story. **

**If you're reading, thank you. I hope you like this so far. **

Chapter Three

I was vaguely aware that we were moving. It must have been night, unless they had moved me because the sun was no longer glaring against my eyelids through the Jeeps windows. My head appeared to be pillowed on something bony and warm. The filthy cargo pants told me it was one of my captors lap. Through my squinted eyes I could see the back of the tall blondes head. He was laughing. I wondered if that was what had woken me. He'd removed his shades now and his eyes, surrounded by fine, soft crows feet shone in the darkness as they reflected a colour I couldn't see in the light of the streetlamps. He had a kind face, I decided. His fair hair helped with that and his straight nose told me he must be a gentle man. No one had broken that nose.

There was silence for a while then where the blonde turned his face back to the road and watched the highway drag under the car as we drove. I felt oddly relaxed, propped up on the unknown leg of one of the other two humans. Perhaps it was whatever they had drugged me with that made me feel drowsy but I couldn't help but be slightly happy that I was alive and surrounded by people who understood. These men understood anger, jealousy, vengeance, passion.

Finally the blonde spoke again. This time he was not laughing and there was no jest in his tone.

"After all these years you're still calling them parasites, Jared." He sighed. "Do you know what it would have done to Wanda if she'd heard that? Even Mel, she'll be furious if Jamie tells her."

The blonde was still staring forwards but he turned his head to fix his gaze on Jared. I knew it was Jared from his words so it must be Jamie who cradled my head in his lap. He had not responded to the sound of his name though. Maybe he was asleep as well.

Jared sighed too. I couldn't see him; my head lay behind his seat.

"I know. I didn't mean to say it like that but it's not as simple as loving Wanda and then loving the rest of them, even now. I know you understand them better than I do -" He paused and indicated to turn off the road. "- Ian, sometimes it's more complicated than that."

Ahh, _Ian_. That suited him. It felt good to name him. He deserved a name. His words warmed my insides. I was also interested as to who 'Wanda' was, and 'Mel,' they had mentioned a Mel. Were there even more than this? More humans. My heart thudded quickly.

"More complicated than what? She's human. What could be simpler than that?"

Ian was angry now. I could see it in the way his hands gestured wildly for a moment, like he wanted to punch Jared but he placed them back by this sides. He was fighting to keep his voice quiet though, trying not to wake me. Jared did not share that notion.

"She's not human, Ian. Not really. She looks human and she might even talk like us but she's just not, okay? Her parents are…" he trailed off. From the corner of his eye he could probably see what I saw and knew he'd gone too far, said too much. Ian's face was white like paper. His eyes were wild and his lips curled into a sneer of rage.

"Don't. You. Dare. Howe," he growled, low and quite. I thought he might pounce at any moment.

My stomach twisted uncomfortably. I was hungry and the venom in his voice didn't help. My protector, feeble as it was to think of him that way, looked like more of a monster than his companion.

Jared's voice was tinged with regret but he did not waver as he spoke. "I didn't mean that James wasn't human. He's more human than anyone in that rock."

Ian didn't say anything in response to that. There were too many names for me to make sense of. Too many names without faces or stories for me to connect one person to the next.

The minutes ticked by as I closed my eyes again and waited. For what I didn't know but gradually the ground beneath the Jeep changed, became rougher, and I knew whatever it was that waited for me was getting closer. A sudden jolt that felt like we had hit a rock must have stirred Jamie because his leg shifted under my head. He groaned.

"Urgh, how close are we?" His voice croaked from thirst.

I kept my lids shut tightly against my fellow humans but I could sense that it was even darker now. The streetlamps were gone.

There was a shuffling to my right. I assumed Ian had twisted around in his seat to face Jamie.

"'Bout twenty minutes. How's she doing back there?" he asked.

Jamie shifted again. I wanted to raise my head in case I was cutting of the blood flow in his leg but I knew I couldn't. They'd stop talking if they knew I was listening.

"Okay, I think. I've been asleep, but, well I haven't felt her move. She doesn't look like she has."

Ian chuckled. "It's okay, Jamie. You can sleep if you want."

"I'm fine," he shot back quickly.

"Alright, never said you weren't."

There was a small flicker in what light remained through my eyelids and I almost smiled, picturing Ian putting his hands out before him like he did to me this afternoon. It didn't feel like a few hours, it felt life days and days ago.

Silence again. The Jeep continued to rumble over terrain that only grew harsher as the minutes slipped away. If it weren't for this I might have drifted to sleep again. I was somewhat aware that my heart wasn't thumping with fear as it should be and I was confused by the sense of calm that filled me. It was then that I realised my head felt wonderful too. No longer did the sting of a fresh cut stab into the flesh above my eyebrow. It felt like No Pain but that couldn't be true, could it? Where would they get it from? The wet feeling was gone as well but it was possible the bleeding had stopped by now in which case it was no doubt beginning to crust over the slice in my head.

"How old do you think she is?" Jamie asked. He didn't direct this at anyone in particular.

I was curious as to what their answer would be. My small stature wouldn't exactly help them guess. I was small but quick and sharp as anyone else. I waited patiently for their assessment.

"No older than Elle and Lucy I'd say," said Jared thoughtfully.

Nobody spoke for a moment. I assumed Jamie and Ian must be studying me now, curled up on the backseat, to determine if they agreed.

"You could be right," Ian said slowly. "The girls are tall for their age though, but that would still make her very young. Perhaps... no, you're right. We had to take her."

As he finished the Jeep ground to a halt and the darkness was absolute as Jared dulled the engine and killed the headlights. I wasn't sure what to do next. If I stayed like this they would carry me and that way I would have no idea where I was. If I 'woke up' they would most likely blindfold me anyway. At least that was what I would do. I could feel with my feet though and for this reason I began to stir, letting out a faint groan as Ian carefully shifted one arm under my back, the other behind my legs and guided me out of the car. He held me for a moment. I fluttered my eyelids, and rubbed my eyes, probably a little too theatrically, muttering a soft unexpected 'oh' when Ian put me down again so I was sitting on the edge of the back seat, my legs swung out of the door.

I was reminded briefly of a hiking trip my parents and I had taken when I was seven, maybe eight. My father had set me down on the backseat and tugged my dirty walking boots off and slotted big fluffy slippers on my feet. With a pillow and a blanket on the backseat he had tucked me into a makeshift bed and kissed my forehead. My chest ached.

Jared and Jamie were nowhere to be seen. I tried to look for them but Ian was blocking my view with his body, already pulling what looked like an old bandana from his pocket. This was what I had expected. He looked at me almost shyly.

"Erm, miss? I'm sorry but it really must be done." His tone was businesslike but I could tell he was nervous now that he was closer to me and I wasn't trying the kick him again.

I nodded quickly. I didn't want the darkness to come back. Now that I was up I wanted to see things. I wanted to know where I was and who was with me. It seemed like it was only Ian though. Surely they wouldn't leave me alone with him, not that I could do much to harm him. I was slightly embarrassed. Clearly my escape attempts from this afternoon hadn't been half as intimidating as I had hoped.

Carefully, Ian wrapped the bandana around my head and I closed my eyes against the coarse fabric. It was bulky against my face and I could smell something sweet on it. It was sugary and woody too, a musky scent that filled my nose.

"Good, now if you can stand, er, please. Watch your head."

He placed his hand on my head after realising I couldn't watch my head without eyes and took both of my hands in his large one, leading me forwards, ducking my head out of the Jeep and shutting the door behind me.

The ground beneath my feet was hard and rocky. It felt gritty too and my shoes made a scraping noise as I took three steady steps forwards, barely lifting my feet.

Ian whispered a reassurance to me but I ignored it, instead focusing on his hands gripping my arm. One held my elbow gently, steering me forwards, the other held my hand. His fingers curled tighter around mine as I stumbled blindly for a moment before regaining my footing.

The air smelt hot. It was an unusual odour. Rocks, dust and something musty that seemed to come from ahead of me but not behind. A few more steps and the air seemed to draw in closer, suffocating with the bandana half covering my nose. I sucked a breath in through my mouth and tasted something grim on my tongue. Mould. Sand. Dirt.

Soon my breath began to echo and I knew there were walls on either side of me and a roof above my head. I reached out my left arm to steady myself as we walked and found the wall was closer than I had imagined, only a foot away from me and the jagged stone grazed my hand a little.

I could hear nothing but myself and Ian in the tunnel. However our footsteps bounced off of every surface. I shuddered and hoped it really was only us here, in the dark. Before I could beg Ian to let me see again he pulled me gently to a stop and placed both hands on my shoulders. I knew what he was doing; telling me he was behind me, that I was safe.

He was an odd sort of man. Huge and protective, but gentle and willing too. His presence put me at ease. I vague remembered the angry tone he had used in defence of the woman named 'Wanda.' She could be his wife, or maybe his sister. I wasn't sure if the humans still had marriages now. Mother had told me about the old human tradition but did a lawful bond mean much now that they were no longer living under the law?

Ian untied the bandana. I squeezed my eyes shut but there was no light to blind me, only a shadowy silver glow that stretched round the corner ahead of us.

"Are you ready?" Ian asked.

I looked up at him steadily.

"For what?"

**OOO, what do you think? A friendly greeting? A 'Wanda/Mel' style greeting? As usual R&R. **


	4. Exposed

**I feel like the vibes for this story just won't stop coming. I really wish I could just bang out college essays like these chapters. Oh well, I hope you enjoy this one. **

**P.S. I also realised I haven't really done any disclaimers but this is FanFiction so I suppose it's just kind of a given. **

Chapter Four

The silence was unnerving. Ian's hand moved to the small of my back and he pushed me forwards kindly. He led me around the corner and the first thing I noticed was the light that had seemed like just a slight glow in the tunnel. It was still pale and dim, casting a silvery shine on what I could only think of as a large, open cavern. The high, stony ceiling opened up into a jagged hole through which the moon shone vibrantly. Thousands of twinkling stars added to the beams of light that illuminated the cavernous interior.

I knew my eyes were wide. I could feel eyes on me also.

Ian scooted my forwards again, a little more forcefully this time because my attention was elsewhere. Before us stood a small group of people, all fixing intense eyes on my face. I recognised Jared and Jamie, standing close to two women that looked a little sleepy. I supposed it was the middle of the night.

Jared, who had been leaning in close to speak intently with one of the women, turned around when I entered. I could see her face clearly now. Her hair was a rich, chocolate brown and straight, falling just past her shoulders. She was tall, almost as tall as Jared and I would see her arms and legs were toned and strong for her age. I wasn't a very good guess when it came to ages but I believed she was younger than Jared, perhaps a lot younger, it was difficult to tell with the bluish smudges under her eyes from lack of sleep. She looked me over with kind but stormy eyes.

Beside her a short, slight blonde thing, that looked no bigger than a child appeared to be on the edge of tears. Her little fists were clenched though her face didn't show anything but love. Love, devotion and relief. No, she seemed almost to be holding back, as though she was struggling with herself to stay stood where she was.

Her eyes. It was her eyes that made me recoil slightly, leaning into Ian's side. He sensed my unease.

"It's okay, she's with us," he whispered in my ear.

The woman's eyes were light, sky blue and ringed with silver that reflected the moonlight onto the walls of the cave in faint rippling circles. A Soul.

Unable to focus on her glowing eyes for much longer my gaze swept along the line, passed Jamie, to an old, white haired man. I balked slightly when he tipped his head and raised his hand to an invisible hat. I struggled to even guess anything about this man. His body looked frail and his face was lined, half covered by a solid, white beard. Yet there was a vibrancy about the way he stood, his back straight and shoulders relaxed but not hunched. His face was alive with a vitality that made him look younger than I guessed he was.

Lastly, my eyes fell upon the youngest member of the group. Blonde haired and blue eyed like Ian but with the same soft face as the fair haired woman that stood beside Jamie. He was appraising me more curiously than the others with his head crooked slightly to one side and a light smile on his lips. He also nodded his head towards me. I felt like I should nod back, introduce myself but again they were not Souls; they did not enter into every meeting with the intention of an interesting and friendly conversation.

Ian was still holding my silently. He didn't speak and I was sure he didn't quite know what to say. I remembered how he had called me 'miss' back at the Jeep. It didn't feel right to tell them my name now though so I just let him lead me towards them.

I couldn't see any weapons nor fierce twisted faces of humans ready to hurt me. The only fist I could see was the tiny blonde Soul but even she seemed more relaxed as Ian and I drew closer. Besides, I liked to think I could at least take her, if I had too.

It was when we reached her that Ian's hands finally left me and I felt oddly exposed. Not afraid or in danger but just very bare.

Out of the blue she pushed a fragile hand out in my direction and spoke in a high, whimsical voice.

"Hello. I'm Wanda. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Her hand was still stretched out, waiting. I glanced at Ian and he nodded. I took her hand weakly, afraid I might break her with a touch.

"And you."

My voice came out more quietly than usual but she smiled at me.

Was this it? They had only mentioned five names on the way here. It seemed funny that so few people would live in a place like this, _could _live in a place like this. But there were not enough women. If this Soul was Wanda then was the dark haired girl Elle? Or Lucy? Ian had said they were both very young though so perhaps she was Mel.

I soon found out. Wanda, having let go of my hand, seeming unaware of the tension our contact had caused in the room, gestured to each of her companions in turn as she spoke again.

"You already know Ian, I see, and Jared and Jamie." She waved her hand towards both of them. "This is Melanie." She put her arm around the smiling woman to her right. "Jeb - this is his house, - and James." Wanda pointed first at the white haired man and then at the younger man beside him.

Jeb's house. I thought about this. If Elle and Lucy were missing then there were definitely more of them. A houseful though? How much was that? I wasn't sure that this little group couple really facilitate living in a place like this. As I inspected the cavern more closely I could see tunnels, much like the one me and Ian had just entered from, leading off in different directions. Who knows how big these, I guess they were caves, were.

"What do they call you?"

I noticed with a start that Wanda was still speaking to me.

"Lilies of the Valley, it..." I trailed off, thinking of my mother's face. She must be so worried. I was shocked that I wasn't worried too. "My mother's host, it was her favourite flower. You can call me Lily. They do," I finished with a whisper, unsure whether they would all be as easily offended as Jared.

Back here in the safety of his home however he was regarding me with the same bewilderment as the others.

"That's lovely-" she began but her words were cut off by two soft giggle that echoes through the cave tunnels eerily.

Across the cavern I could make out two flitting shadows and whispered murmurs. There was a scoffing sound like somebody covering their mouth with a hand, holding back another titter. In the moonlight there was a quick glint of swishing brown waves and the silhouettes flickered again.

Melanie issued an audible sign and it was answered by a less than subtle shushing from the mouth of the tunnel. Melanie's face wore a resigned expression. Jared's was even less enthused and his voice resonated around us.

"Back to bed, both of you!"

There was a little shriek and the sound of pattering footsteps in the tunnel. They faded swiftly.

Jeb chuckled. It was the first sound I had heard from him.

"I think we should all be getting back to our beds. Valleys here looks about to drop," he said, his tone had a commanding edge to it.

Did I really look _that _bad?

Jeb had not finished. "James, how 'bout you find our guest somewhere to put that pretty head down."

I glanced at James and he nodded grimly at Jeb before reaching a hand out to me. He also took the bandana from Ian who patted him on the shoulder. Slowly they all filtered away, dividing into two smaller groups and disappearing into the darkness of the tunnels.

I felt naked again. There was too much space and it made me uncomfortable. It took me a moment to recognize that it was not the tension that caused sweat to bead on my forehead but the stifling heat. Even in the dead of night, when I would have expected a cool evening breeze, nothing stirred. The warmth was stagnant in the air and the humidity made my skin feel clammy.

James shifted his feet beside me.

"You must be tired," he mused, eyeing me.

His sudden remark shocked me. He seemed to notice he'd startled me.

"I'm sorry; I just meant... anyway, umm, I should really blindfold you again. I really am sorry."

He didn't wait for me to respond. He stepped towards and I didn't flinch. I wouldn't.

He tied the bandana around my head again, carefully avoiding my nose as Ian had forgotten to. The syrupy scent filled my nose again. It was like pancakes and pinecones and something else, something clean that I couldn't place.

I jumped when James' hand found the small of my back and he stifled a laugh, covering it with a quick cough.

"Don't worry; no one's going to hurt you. They're just not sure what to do with you," he said.

That did not exactly make me feel better.

He continued. "It's a difficult situation, I guess. You're human. It's not like we can just fish a Soul out of the back of your head. You could bring an army of Seekers down on this place, not that Jeb really thinks you would but then again they might be looking for you. Are they, do you think?" he rambled. His words bounded back at us as we entered one of the tunnels. The air compressed again as it had before, pressing in on us, contained by the craggy walls.

"I don't know," I mumbled. "Maybe. My father might."

I expected him to ask about my family but he remained silent, our footsteps were the only sound in the tunnel. It didn't seem long, a few twists, a sharp turn and one moment where I was convinced he had turned me around in a circle just to confuse me.

My mind was frantic. The No Pain must be wearing off, if that really was what they had given me, because the serene, almost Soul-like feeling, which had come over me, was crumbling. I was blind. So very blind. My mother had told me about her lifetime on the Singing World. It was her first planet, which meant she didn't miss the sight that she had never had. She had also said that she could never bear to lose any of the senses she had now. She was right.

It was disorientating. My fraught imaginings fluctuated from images of them leading me torture chambers I had read about in Gothic novels, more stolen books, to a depiction of an underground community, small though it may be. My chest panged with longing. I begged that there might be more. More humans. More people who knew what it was like to have fast food suddenly vanish from their hands, to be relentlessly reminded how cruel the humans are by nature.

James grip loosened around my waist and before I could comprehend what was happening the bandana was gone and he was in front of me, standing close in a section of the tunnel that was no more than four feet wide.

Behind him a low semi circular opening in the rock leaked light into the tunnel.

James stood to the side and spread one hand out and in a mock bow gestured towards the 'door' like he was welcoming me to a suite. I half crouched and stumbled through into a dimly lit cave. It was oddly shaped, like a tear drop laid on its side with the wall to my right curving around and tapering into a point to my left.

James, at least a head taller than me, grunted as he ducked under the archway behind me. I stepped further into the cave to give him space.

"It's not much. We don't use this one often, because of the door, obviously," he admitted behind me.

There were no shelves, probably because of the way the walls curved, but instead there was an old, grubby side table and a mattress, blankets and pillow lay in the centre of the room. Above the side table, a small hole, about the size of a dustbin lid allowed the moonlight, and most likely sunlight during the day, to illuminate the cave enough to see.

James coughed. "So, I guess you should make yourself at home then."

**I don't know why but I just didn't like this chapter as much. It seems a little bitty. Oh well... **


	5. Relieved

**Firstly, a big thank you to those of you who have followed, favourited and reviewed. You're all lovely. **

**renesmee99 – I assumed from your comment you meant you liked that it was about the Host movie as well? Correct me if I'm wrong! I just felt that although the script was a bit limiting, it's the first book based film I've watched in a while where I felt all of the changes they made were completely necessary. So I'll just combine the two. **

**Chapter five then. **

Chapter Five.

My teardrop cave was lit by a beam of brilliant sunlight that streamed in through the makeshift skylight. The mattress, which on closer inspection I had found to be a bedroll, was hard beneath me and my body ached from the pressure it put on my bones.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes as they focused in the warm glow that bathed the cave in pale yellow light. My gaze settled on James sitting against the wall by the entrance. His eyes were closed, his head lolled back against the cave wall. I wondered if he had slept at all. There were dark half moons beneath his eyes, visible beneath the subtle tan that warmed his skin. They were darkened still by the shadows cast by his thick, fair lashes.

I considered trying to speak to him. If he was awake, perhaps he would keep me company a little. If he was really sleeping, in such an uncomfortable position as he was, then he would be none the wiser.

"James," I whispered.

His lips curved into a smile.

"Ah! She speaks."

I smirked at that too. At least he wasn't shouting at me, or planning to kill me. Hopefully. It was then that I remembered his verbal tirade from the night before and I supposed he was just a talker.

"I'd ask if you slept well, but I doubt it," he continued, his eyes still closed, his face relaxed.

I surveyed him again with his back straight against the firm rock and his legs half bent. My next words would be the test. Friend or foe.

"I can't imagine you slept much better like that," I noted.

He smiled again, wider this time. Friend. It lit up his face in a way that made him look younger, just a boy. Then the mask fell again. I'd known this would come eventually, friend or not. The questions. The questions that they would desperately want answers to. Some I may not be able to answer. If that was the case they would have to believe me, trust me, and hope that I wasn't lying.

Would James have queries of his own or did the others come in the night and give him all of the instructions?

After a few moments of silence I decided to ask a question of my own. At least if I could catch him of guard he might forget some of the more pressing enquiries.

"Do you do this a lot? Kidnapping humans, I mean."

Finally he opened his eyes. His brow creased and he frowned for a second before that same fascination from the night before filled his expression.

"No," he started slowly. "Humans aren't really the regular target. As far as we knew people like you were shipped off for Hosts or whatever eventually. We call it the 'interspecies family' down here. Jared said he never actually gave you chance to introduce yourself, he's sorry about that by the way, but you didn't run away, well not at first, so he figured you must be one of those Soul kids."

He was rambling again. His words broke the silence and he looked uncomfortable when his voice was no longer filling the empty space between us.

"I guess that makes sense," I murmured, sitting up and stretching. My shoulders popped and my neck cracked. He laughed at the unnatural sounds.

"Stiff?" he asked.

"A bit."

He huffed. "You get used to it after a while. The beds out there aren't much better." He nodded towards the entrance.

I watched it for a moment. It seemed smaller today. I doubted I would pay it any mind if I walked past it in the tunnel. A good place to put me. We would be alone here or at least I thought we would be.

A jolt of surprise shot through me as two feet, long jean covered legs and part of a torso appeared on the other side of the entrance. Noticing my reaction, James coiled around from his position and stuck his head out of the entrance. He let out a frustrated sigh but he was pushed backwards and the new figure crouched down and ducked into the cave.

The girl's coffee coloured waves fell in front of her face. He pushed them back in irritation before plonking herself down, cross legged in front of the cave mouth.

"Good morning all," she chirped through soft pink lips. Her almond eyes were dark and hypnotic above high cheekbones. Her tanned face sat atop a slender neck and even in her crouched pose I could see that she was thin but wiry. Strong.

James shifted back to his former position, allowing her room to get more comfortable.

"I'm surprised you're up at all. Fancied a little walk in the moonlight last night?"

He shot her a crooked smile and winked at me.

My brows furrowed until I recalled the dark shapes in the tunnel. The soft, adventurous giggles. I had expected younger children though, to have caused so much noise. As if reading my thoughts, the girl looked annoyed for a moment.

"It's not my fault Lucy can't keep her mouth shut," she complained.

James shook his head. "You're shushing wasn't too discrete either, Elle."

These were 'the girls' then. Well, one of them at least. Elle. Yes, that suited her too, just like 'James' suited his carefree smile and 'Ian' sounded kind to my ears. It was a pretty name.

Elle turned her attention to me. Her gaze raked over my white blonde hair, deep, navy eyes and a straight, dainty nose. She continued to my delicate body. She eyed that particularly carefully, no doubt comparing it to her own, more robust one.

"You're pretty," she said finally, looking at James for confirmation.

James looked uncomfortable and shifted his position awkwardly. His pants dragged across the stone with a shushing sound, like the metallic hiss of a guitar string. He cleared his throat.

"What do you want, Elle?"

She looked disappointed.

"Fine, be like that. Jeb wants to you to take her out this morning to, you know, freshen up and such." She eyed me again. "He said you should bring her to breakfast too."

As she stood up again and stretched I was suddenly aware of the ache in my bladder and my stomach grumbled audible.

She smiled at me again. Then she turned to James and fixed him with a look that confused me. Her expression was half regretful and yet exhilarated at the same time.

"No blindfold," she commanded quickly before ducking under through the opening again and racing off down the tunnel, her quick footsteps fading away into a light patter before they disappeared completely.

I looked up at James. His face reflected Elle's and I couldn't help but worry what she had meant by those two short words. After a moment he beamed at me again and stood up, holding his hand out to me.

"You ready to stretch your legs? I know I am."

I nodded. I took his hand and slid myself out of the cave after him. In the tunnel I rubbed each of my aching knees and brushed the dirt, collected from the ground where I had steadied myself, on my jeans. Little cuts still stung my fingertips from the night before but they were bearable in comparison to the thirst that burned my throat and the hunger that churned my stomach. I recalled the last meal I had consumed; chicken, potatoes, green beans and thick, creamy sauce. It had looked less appetising when I poured its sloppy remains into the bushes outside the Healing Centre.

Mimicking his action from the night before, James pushed slightly on my lower back, encouraging me to turn left and begin walking in the opposite direction to Elle's footsteps. We took two straight tunnels, the first away from my little cave, the second when we turned left at a natural intersection at the end of the first. The second tunnel widened out into a small oval, like a bubble, the third curving tunnel that we took next jutting out of it to our right. As we followed this curve my senses were overpowered by a sulphuric odour that made me cough and my eyes watered.

"Takes some getting used to, but then, I suppose everything around here does," James remarked as we stepped into a darkened room where the smell was stronger.

Through the darkness, and a humid mist that clouded my vision, I could just make out what looked like two small rivers. The gurgle of rushing water confirmed this for me before James stepped forward and pointed over at a dark, dangerous looking cave.

"That there is the bathing room. It's getting late so I'll have to bring you back for that later. They all descend on this place like vultures when they've eaten."

"All?" I asked. "Exactly how many of you are down here?"

It was difficult to tell in the darkness but the scuffing of his shoes against the ground told me he had turned back around to me. He chuckled to himself.

"Oh, you'll see. Now that second one's the latrine so if you need to, umm, yeah, just watch your step. I'll be right out here if you need anything."

I had to squint but I thought I saw a hint of colour in his cheeks.

When I emerged from the second dark cave again I felt significantly more comfortable than before, so much so that I hadn't really realised how restless I had been before.

"Better?"

I nodded.

"Good."

We winded back the way we had come and James chattered aimlessly. He had a lot of questions, though not about anything I would have thought useful. What was it like to live without money? Did I know anything about healing? Had I ever wanted to? Was Soul television really so bad?

At that last question he mused that he hadn't even seen human television so he couldn't be sure either way.

When we reached the junction from before I began to turn right, back towards my cave but he steered me straight ahead with a half smile. As we walked I could hear the faint hum of chatter. The further we walked along the twisting tunnel the louder the voices became until they were almost a bubbling of friendly conversations and raucous laughter.

We continued, growing closer to the sound. A corner, another fork and finally another lengthy tunnel. The metallic tang to the air had dulled and now the musty aroma that seemed to be present everywhere gave way to the scent of bread and... eggs? Yes, eggs. It was so faint I could scarce dare to dream that it might be. I felt like I hadn't eaten in weeks, not days.

James stomach gurgled and he looked at me. His face mirrored the longing, hopeful expression of mine.

"Food," he answered my unspoken question.

"Food."

**This is a bit of a short one but I wanted to get some of the bumph (is that just a real word in my house?) out of the way so I could get into some meaty conversation next chapter. Either way, did you enjoy meeting Elle? **

**Tah tah for now. **


	6. Cleansed

Chapter Six

The mess hall was crowded as I had feared it would be but after a second assessment I relaxed in the knowledge that the huddles of people enjoying their morning gossip were faces that I already knew. James waved at Jared and Melanie, the only two in the group facing our way.

The chairs they occupied around a crude stone table were mismatched, a collection from years of raiding I guessed. To our right, large, flat slabs of dark rock topped a mass of stone that jutted out from the wall and it was from this counter of sorts that the mouth watering aroma of warm bread drifted towards us. James sniffed the air; a long, lusty inhale and sighed.

"Come on," he whispered and led me to the counter. He took two plates from a small stack, a random selection like the chairs, and placed a roll on each then paused, his expression confused.

He looked at me and his lip twitched. "Sorry, I could have sworn I smelt –"

"Eggs," a voice finished for him, slopping two large spoonfuls of watery scrambled eggs onto each plate. "Sorry, I thought everyone was done by now."

I raised my head to meet her eyes. I smiled shyly, happy to see another face I recognised.

"Thank you, Elle." And I meant it. My stomach howled impatiently again.

I began to smile at her but stopped short when she looked confused and blew out a quiet 'oh.' James chuckled beside me.

"Lily, this is Lucy Howe. Lucy, our new _guest_, Lily."

Twins. Lucy's eyes, dark, almond shaped eyes, mirrored exactly those of her sister. Her waves were shorter, I noticed now, lying just shy of her shoulders. They were less glossy also, more tousled than her double's lustrous curls.

As James collected cutlery for the two of us, Jared's voice interrupted our hasty introduction.

"And here we all thought you'd gotten lost." His exclamation drew the attention of the rest of the group. Some smiled, some appeared indifferent, glancing my way before returning to their conversations and others, such as Jeb, fixed us with a poker face that unnerved me.

Jared grabbed another roll and held his plate out towards Lucy. She raised an eyebrow.

"Please?"

Lucy rolled her eyes before spooning more eggs onto his plate. I assumed this was a second helping.

James nodded his familiar nod towards the table. I hesitated. There were so many people. He ignored me and sat down, pulling a chair across from another table for me and eyed my plate pointedly until I sat. Jared and Lucy, who now had her own plate, sat down across from us and Melanie shuffled in her chair to be closer to Jared. It seemed an unconscious action but significant enough to me. I'd suspected their attachment from the way Ian had mentioned her in the car, to their closeness upon mine and Melanie's first meeting. Now, the glint in her eye as she glanced over at him told me it was a long enduring infatuation.

James handed me a knife and fork before diving enthusiastically into his own breakfast. He turned periodically to Wanda but what they were discussing I didn't know. As I tentatively began to eat I could feel Jeb's eyes on me.

"We've got a long day ahead of us, Lily. Hows about you tell us your story, to keep us going like, and we might just tell you a few of ours."

Jeb looked around at the table's occupants before settling his gaze on me. Silence had fallen the second he'd said my name.

"See I'm real curious about how you ended up racing around abandoned parts of town with your head sliced open," he finished, pointing a wrinkled finger at my head.

I felt James stiffen beside me. He'd been avoiding these questions.

"I fell," I muttered lamely, putting down my knife and fork.

He made a 'humph' sound in the back of his throat. "Yeah, I've hear that a few times."

His distrust was evident; I'd almost forgotten it was there. I could see it again now though, in Jared's eyes, and in Jeb's. There were other faces though, all with interested eyes and keen faces. Jamie was absent but Melanie was leaning forwards beside Jared. Wanda, Ian, Lucy, Elle and even James were relaxed back in their chairs, waiting for a story.

"I fainted; hit my head on my Comforter's desk. She likes antiques, really old human stuff. She has this awful solid oak desk with corners like razors."

"Why would you need a Comforter," Wanda piped up. "You're not a Soul."

I thought about that. Sings of Sunrise was a good Comforter, if not a little eccentric for a Soul. She lived through the colonisation so I had always supposed her Host must have been a little unconventional too and it had rubbed off on her. She was one of the Souls who truly took to heart the perfection of this world, not the change of it. She said that we should preserve what was good about humanity. Maybe that was why she dealt with the humans. Despite what she had been attempting to convince me to do she had been a kind Soul.

My thoughts turned bitter though as my mother's voice entered my head. She'd been sat in a high backed, leather chair, no doubt salvaged from the invasion also, when she'd said the words that made my head spin and the world fall away into darkness. Her mouth had quirked as she'd cast her gaze on me.

'_It's taking too long, Sings of Sunrise. The insertion will take place tomorrow. We'll return to you when my daughter is in need of your counsel; the counsel for which your profession was created. Thank you for your help.' _

"Lily." James shook my shoulder tentatively.

Their eyes were boring into me from every angle.

"Not yet," I ground out sourly.

Wanda looked surprised. The men looked worried. Lucy and Elle however still appeared engrossed and untroubled by my remark.

Simmering with suppressed anger I continued, no longer afraid what secrets I would reveal or whether they would allow me to stay. I didn't care if I did stay; there was nobody who would miss me. Not anymore.

"I refused the insertion. It's supposed to be a choice but I don't think anyone's ever really said no. Not for as long as I did anyway. My Comforter, she was just fanatical about humans, which is why she used to get lumbered with the resistant ones like me. My mother must not have thought she was doing her job very well because she was going to take me to the Healing Centre the day after I passed out, well, today now."

I frowned. I'd almost forgotten it would have been today. Probably this very second if it was late morning as James had suggested. An involuntary shudder rolled over me. My abduction felt like a distant memory already in comparison to the human's kindness since I had awoken this morning yet it was still just one event. One day, one scenario, one cautious man with black curling hair that made the difference between human and Host.

I looked up to see Jeb's blank face hadn't changed. Melanie was nodding in agreement with my words; I assumed the first part to be exact whilst Wanda seemed undecided as to whether she felt curious or the same way as Melanie. James stared at me with wide eyes.

"Why?" Wanda asked. I could hear in her tone that she already knew but sought to confirmations for her own theory.

"I was too proud. More insulted really. They're my parents. They said they loved me but they were willing to just throw me away and replace me with somebody else. I wasn't going to just let them get rid of me so they could have a child that was easier; a Soul who doesn't get angry and does what they're told."

James' fingers brushed my elbow. He was studying me intently now and I wondered if he had ever been silent for so long.

Ian and Wanda were no longer paying attention to me but watching James with compassionate eyes and something else. Love? Pride?

Suddenly I felt stupid for not recognising him earlier. The golden hair, tanned skin, deep sapphire eyes, straight nose, all reflections of Ian. A father and son. Ian's arm around Wanda's waist left me under no illusions as to his mother.

It was on that vein of thought that noticed how Melanie shared the same high cheekbones as both Elle and Lucy. Lucy had now pushed her plate away from her, long finished and cuddled into Jared's side.

Children. Three _human_ children right here in this room. The Soul's thought they would die out on their own but I could see it right here in front of me that that could never happen whilst there were still men and women, human couples who loved each other. Wanda was an exception though and I now understood the transfixed expression that was James's face, his fascinated stare from the night before. He was like me, or at least half like me.

I smiled. I couldn't help but smile. This wasn't just a scattered group hiding underground. This was a community, a growing resistance.

"And yet she's smiling," Elle whispered to Lucy who giggled, stifling it quickly however when Jared eyed her sternly.

"I'm just..." I trailed off. "Overwhelmed that all of his exists beneath their feet." My gaze flitted from Melanie and Jared to Elle and Lucy. "It's just, you're _breeding _down here. They all think you'll just become extinct but..."

I shook my head in amazement.

Jared laughed and looked at Melanie teasingly. "Didn't want any of the little things and then ended up with two of them."

Elle scowled and Lucy pushed him gently. They both smiled at each other though. Melanie winked at her daughters theatrically.

"Well as much as I'd like to sit here all day there's work to be done," Jeb announced. "Now get to."

The scraping of chairs was deafening for a moment. Wanda waved goodbye and Melanie smiled, slinging her arm around Wanda's shoulders, tugging her away. Jeb climbed slowly to his feet, rolled his shoulders and exited after them with a dip of his invisible hat.

Only Elle and Lucy remained. James gathered the plates from the table, stacked them on a pile of equally dirty dishes and handed them towards Lucy but she shook her head.

"Sorry dude but we're irrigating today. I'll send Freedom to help you out if you want?" She called back as she and Elle headed towards the exit, turning around in unison to wait for his answer before they left.

"No, Lily here can earn her keep," he teased and they left. "You wouldn't happy to fancy a bath, would you?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Wouldn't want you telling all of your Soul friends that we didn't look after you."

I flinched a bit at that and he apologised quickly.

"I won't be telling them anything," I murmured.

In the bathing room James set the plates down on a flat rock and pointed over to the first cave as he had earlier.

"You remember what I said? That first cave is your luxury tub, complete with Jacuzzi." He smirked sarcastically. "Like I said, it's dark so watch your step."

He seemed to consider something for a moment, looking me up and down.

"Hello," he called into the darkness.

He waited. There was no reply. He nodded to himself, satisfied.

"Look, nobody knows you're in here so I'm goin' to go run and get you some clothes and such, if that's okay with you. I'll be quick; you won't even notice I'm gone."

I hesitated. The cave was pitch black and the water rushing past it looked treacherous.

I sighed. "Okay, but quickly please."

He left with another nod and a trademark smile.

I wasn't sure what to do. Would there be a place to undress in dark? Or would it be best to just strip down here and hope nobody came in? I could always just get in with my clothes on, they probably needed washing too. I decided on the latter and tiptoed my way into the shadows. I briefly panicked that it might all have been a rouse, a trick to have me dragged down and drowned in the swirling water. I cast _that _thought aside and stepped into the steaming pool. It was hot. Not scorching as I imagined the thin foaming spring to be but scorching enough to soak into my bones and convince me that the water was melting the dust and sweat from my skin. I tugged off my jeans that weighed me down and clutched at the walls to steady myself. My vest clung to my body and I slipped that off too.

I wasn't sure if James would think to bring me new underwear but it was too late to dry the ones I was wearing so I kept those on, throwing the rest of my clothes on the floor by the mouth of the cave.

My body felt clean but my face and hair still felt sticky with oil and grease. I sucked in a deep breath and submerged myself in the blissful heat, hiding in the murky depths. I knew there was nothing to hide from though and that comforted me. There was nobody waiting to suffocate me in racing currents, or smash my head against the solid walls. There was only love. Love, friendship and a group of real human beings living together in a harmony that I never could have imagined from what I had always been told. If these people – Wanda, Ian, Melanie, Jeb, Jamie, Jared, Elle, Lucy, James – if these were the savages that threatened the Souls so greatly then my entire life had been a lie.

If this was what savages looked like then I emerged from the water a savage too.


	7. Invited

**Hello! For some reason I didn't have an author's note for the last one. Nothing felt right. It was sort of a poignant chapter, ya know? Anyway, keep reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**P.S. Thank you so much to those of you who did review. Your comments were a big help **

Chapter Seven

I left the bathing room flushed from the heat and clad in an old pair of shorts, that James claimed belonged to his mother, and an oversized T-shirt of his. I had smelt the woody, sweet scent from the bandana the moment I pulled the shirt over my head. It wrapped around me and protected my nose from the burning tang of sulphur.

My hands stung from the dishes that we'd washed together. James explained that they needed to raid soon and had run out of everything from soap to shampoo and were back to using Jeb's homemade soap. Although 'Soap,' in my opinion, was a loose description. It didn't really lather up much and felt like it was burning holes in my skin. Eventually James had set me to drying the dishes with a towel he had brought back with him but I suspected that was just to keep my hands, and the little cuts that still marred my fingertips, away from the acerbic suds.

James had been with me for awhile now and I wondered when he would leave. Trust had become a fairly relative concept to me now. Whilst I did not know James well, or at all really, I trusted him completely in relation to Jared and Ian who not so long ago had bundled me into the back of a truck. On that same note I considered that it was Ian who had defended me in the Jeep. He also hadn't hurt me when pulling me towards said Jeep either. He had only restrained me. So perhaps he was an exception. Perhaps Wanda, and by extension, James, had _made _him an exception.

James pulled me from my reverie with a nudge and I realised that we were walking. However a turn later we stopped and I was blinded by sunlight. It took me awhile to convince myself we weren't actually outside.

"So, what do you think?"

What _did_ I think?

The sunlight, I saw now, was pouring in through a large opening in the roof of the cavern. It was similar to the one I had seen last night. It was spacious and open, big enough to call _vast_ even and had tunnels leading off every which way.

My eyes finally focused on the object of his question. Wheat. They were growing wheat.

The field stretched out all the way to the shadowy depths of the cavern before it tapered off, no doubt suffering from the lack of light in that area. The field was empty but for a trapped bird fluttering around the edges of the elaborate skylight before flying back out into the sky.

James strode into the field and turned around when I didn't follow. I traced the trail that he had taken, avoiding the bumpy chains that held row after row of tall, golden wheat. James stopped abruptly in the middle and disappeared, falling down onto the earth and stretching his legs out in front of him. As I stepped out of the maze to find him I saw that there was a long path of sorts where no seeds had been planted.

James answered my unspoken question. "Well, we've got to get around somehow."

I sat beside him, brushing my hands together to wipe off the earth.

James didn't say anything but I could see that he was thinking by the way he leant back on his hands and stared up at the sky.

"You know this was the only sky I really knew for a long time. I'd lie out here with mom, because she knows all the constellations and just watch the stars."

He stopped and eyed me. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, or what reaction I should give him. In seconds the concentrated face left him and he lay himself down, crossing his arms behind his head.

"It sounds pretty stupid when you say it out loud," he laughed, "but when your whole world is made of rock you kind of have to be a little stupid just to make it all interesting. Anyway, then when I was nine my dad took me outside, for the first time, and sat me down on another lump of rock and told me he was going to show me how boring the desert was so that I wouldn't miss it."

In my head a little boy with shining, golden hair looked out across the endless sands with wide, sorrowful eyes.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

It was a tragic thought. My mind wandered to Elle and Lucy, still so young and with so much yet to do. Had they ever seen the sky?

"You don't need to be sorry. You haven't done anything. It the fact that you haven't done anything that's getting Jared so stressed."

I didn't say anything.

"We can't let you go, I'm sure you've got that by now but we can't exactly lock you up for the rest of your life because –" He winked at me. "- believe it or not we don't _actually _do that to people."

I sighed and lay down beside him. Above me the sun shone just behind the edge of the hole in the ceiling, illuminating the sky. James seemed to enjoy the silence, which seemed odd to me as he usually chattered away to fill the silences. Finally he did begin again but this time his voice was serious.

"You're not a Soul, Lily. We can't just ship you off to another planet."

My head snapped towards him and I cringed at the pull on my neck.

"You... you know how to... your mother. Oh, of course you do," I sputtered.

My mind was racing. This community they had buried beneath the rocks was more complex than the Seekers could ever imagine. They had food, water, and a way to fight back. They also had families. They were growing with every new life they bought into this world, and every new Soul that they shoved out of it.

"James I..."

I, what? I want to stay here? I want to live here? Was it really that? Or was it more like 'James, I really don't want you to kill me.' I think it was a little of that too.

"I saw your face at breakfast. I know you don't want to go back. You _are _human, Lily, and you can be human here, if you want to. We promised not to hurt you but in order to keep that promise you need to stay here."

His piercing blue eyes burned as he took in my vacant expression. He was offering me the freedom I wanted, the chance to be who I was born to become. Yet he was also offering me a cage. Buried deep in these caves, never knowing when they would trust me to take a step outside... the idea was suffocating. The alternative was more ghastly than that but I had known it was one of the only choices I had. Death was preferable to insertion but could it ever win over life? No. That was the simple answer. It was not however the question that he had asked me and therefore not the simple answer that left my mouth next.

"Yes," I whispered, so quiet I wondered if I had even said it. "Yes," I said again, louder this time. "I'll stay."

He seemed surprised. Stunned into silence. I considered prodding him but he was soon on his feet and holding an open hand out towards me. His skin was warm but calloused as I gripped his hand and dragged myself to my feet.

"There'll be a tribunal. Jeb will have the final say. You'll have to speak for yourself and they'll be a vote. Don't look so worried, you've already got mine." He grinned.

There was a warm surge that ran from his hand to mine as he said that that soothed the sudden concern that came over me. It was faint, and it did little to ease the tension in my body.

"Come on," he said, pulling me out of the field and away down a tunnel I hadn't seen before. My hand was still clutched in his but he seemed unaware that his contact was unusual. On reflection I noticed that James and Ian were the only people who had dared to touch me at all. I could perhaps include Jamie in that, but even that was only barely. Those thoughts made me feel strangely lonely.

James had stopped now outside of a cave guarded by a jade green partition. Cherry blossoms stretched across the faded silk in once beautiful twists. These were probably the only flowers I would find down here so I savoured them for a moment.

"Jared," James called through the partition.

There was a shuffling from within the cave beyond and James raised an eyebrow at me conspiratorially. He began to speak but was interrupted by the scraping of the screen as it was pulled back and Melanie stuck her head out through the crack.

"Oh, James, sorry, I was just changing. You okay?"

She looked from me, to James, to my hand still wrapped tightly in his. James abruptly dropped it. I felt suddenly colder despite the humid heat of the caves.

James nodded. "Yeah, um, is Jared with you?"

Melanie shook her head, her gaze still on my face. My eyes locked onto the pretty screen again to avoid hers.

"No, he's still working. What do you need him for?" she asked, concern lacing her tone a little.

James placed his hand on my shoulder and gripped me firmly. The warmth flooded me again.

"We need to call a tribunal. We've got a new housemate on our hands."

**I know, I know. This chapter is so short but I really wanted to get the tribunal all in one chapter and it just wasn't going to happen here, so this is a little filler, a little relationship developer. **

**As always, reviews are adored. X **


	8. Accepted

**I'm not sure why guest reviews take so long to show up but just to let you know that I am receiving your lovely comments via email. **

Chapter Eight

Souls don't commit crimes. They don't have courts, nor do they need judges and yet there I stood, awkwardly catching the eyes of my jury. It wasn't a particularly formal affair. Melanie and her daughters still wore their pyjama bottoms and Ian looked like he had grabbed the first crinkled shirt he found that smelt clean.

It had been two days since James had approached Jeb with his request for me to stay and in that time James, Ian and on one occasion, Jamie, had explained to me how life in the caves worked. They had said it would be useful to know once the decision was made. They were all confident that the vote would go in my favour. Whilst I couldn't say I had many 'friends' in the caves there were new people now who spoke to me when I was there and didn't seem as hesitant to ask me questions about the world outside as James had done. There were still those though who eyed me warily and whilst they did not openly reject me I was sure they wouldn't invite me into their community with open arms today. It was these few that worried me. Jeb's enduring poker face didn't help settle my nerves much either.

The group that gathered in the games room was a mixture of people I knew and those I had only seen at a glance. I recognised a tall woman with olive skin and dark eyes but her name escaped me. Beside her, Sharon fixed me with a glare as fiery as her hair and I detracted my gaze from her direction all together. Across the room, familiar faces shot me encouraging smiles and James nodded a well-known nod towards me. Melanie and Wanda were locked in conversation beside Jared, Ian, and Jamie, who still looked a little sleepy.

Wanda had been especially kind to me over the past few days. She had accompanied me to breakfast on the days that James slept in. She had leant me clothes and kept me company when I felt uneasy using the bathing room alone. She was quite the storyteller and had entertained me with tales of planets my mother could never have told me about and fondly described amusing anecdotes from James' childhood.

She looked away from Melanie for a moment and smiled at me. Lily and Paige, whom I had met the day before, joined their conversation, nodding enthusiastically.

"All right you lot, let's have a bit of hush," Jeb barked out over the chatter and the room gradually grew silent.

This was it. James had said I would have to speak for myself but my throat was too thick to say anything. I swallowed, trying to rid myself of the lump that constricted my vocal cords.

"You all know why we're here but just in case some of you haven't been paying attention; Lily, what exactly do you want?"

I looked at James, trying to avoid the other eyes on me. He locked his gaze with mine to distract me and mouthed, 'Go on.'

My eyes never left his face as I coughed to clear my throat.

"I... I want to stay."

My voice cracked and my words lingered in the empty air. I knew that I should say more but my mind was fuzzy. I was scared that saying anything more when I couldn't think clearly might convince them to end my short life sooner.

Jeb was waiting expectantly but when it seemed apparent that I would say no more, he sighed and turned back to the crowd.

"Well, you know what to do. If you've got something to say, ya better say it now."

The room was silent for a moment before Sharon stepped forwards, despite the protests of the tall man beside her that James had introduced to me as Doc.

"She's not even a real human. Her parents are parasites whether she's got freaky eyes or not."

Across the room I saw Wanda place a small, firm hand on Ian's chest. His eyes blazed and he was sucking in deep calming breaths on Wanda's instructions. Jamie looked irritated too but restrained himself more successfully that Ian. Jared and Melanie wore hard expressions.

"I'm not sure that that is a fair point, Sharon. Anyone else?"

It felt like an eternity before they began again and this time their arguments came in quick succession.

"She's human. Isn't that what we're fighting for?"

"She's just a kid! You can't kill a kid!"

"She's not one of us!"

"Well she's not one of them!"

"What's to say she won't escape and bring the Seekers back here?"

"Like she _could_ escape; look at her!"

And they did look. They fell quiet and appraised my slight frame, probably trying to decide if they could handle me in a fight or not.

Jeb said nothing. I wanted to say something, anything, either in defence or agreement with their cries but I couldn't. They were right. I couldn't escape, not even if I wanted too and for some reason that caused the suffocating feeling to creep over me again.

The mob had settled now and I noticed a small, fair haired figure parting the group. Wanda walked carefully between them all until she stood beside me. She turned to face my jury and spoke in a voice that was stronger than I had thought her capable of.

"When I first came here you tried to kill me. Not all of you, but some of you. Amongst those I include my husband, my brother in law and yes, Jared, that slap was fairly wounding too. How can we make decisions now that we may regret later? You could have killed me and let my sister die in the process and today we wouldn't have four very valued members of our community. None of you can know what this girl might mean to you, to _all of us _as a resistance, a year from now."

Wanda took my hand and pulled me forwards, towards Sharon. I tensed and I knew she felt it too but she continued. Wanda dropped my hand a few feet from Sharon and her eyes became angry pools of ice blue.

"As for you, Sharon, my son is as human as you are, if not more so. If I hear you so much as suggest that Lily, and therefore James, do not belong in this community I will not protect you from my husband any longer. Is that understood?"

The anger that rolled off of Wanda's body surprised me. She was so in touch with the emotions of her Host that if it weren't for her eyes, and the thin red ribbon of scarred skin that marred her neck, I would have said she was more human than I was.

Sharon was nodding silently, her eyes wide, and Wanda guided me away from her. I felt safer once I was stood beside my small group of supporters and they welcomed me between them, casting wary looks at some of their less agreeable companions.

"A vote then," Jeb spoke up suddenly.

His eyes swept across the room, lingering on Sharon and myself for just a moment longer than the rest.

"Alright, all those in favour raise your hand."

I looked around and at first panic began to rise inside of me as the crowd glanced my way with thoughtful faces. My companions, James, Ian, Wanda, Melanie, Jared, Elle, Lucy and Jamie, had all raised their hands. A few seconds later they were followed by Lily and Paige. Across the room Doc began to raise his hand and Sharon's eyes burned. He looked down at her and sighed, muttering something I couldn't hear in her ear. Sharon huffed and pushed her way through the throng and left the room.

Slowly, new hands began to rise until two thirds of the room had arms raised high towards the ceiling with determination. Behind me I heard James exhale a long, gushing breath that tickled the back of my neck and overwhelmed me with the musky scent that I had come think of as his own personal cologne.

Jeb counted quickly though the decision was clear.

"I think we've all come to an agreement. Now get to breakfast. I want those mirrors spotless."

And with that he was gone. The others filed out behind him, enthused by the mention of food.

"You feeling okay?" James whispered to me as Wanda squeezed my hand and left with Melanie and Jared. Jamie smiled and followed them.

"I guess." I peaked at him. "I tried to speak; I really did, but..."

"Don't worry about that. If anything it made you even less threatening," Ian affirmed. "James, why don't you go and get us all some breakfast." He focused on me. "You and me are going to clean some mirrors."

My eyebrows furrowed but he smiled and shook his head.

When James had left, Ian had escorted me to the field and presented me with a ladder so tall that it made me feel dizzy just looking at it. According to Ian, Jeb had given nearly everybody the week off not so long ago as a fever had swept through the caves. He said they were still catching up. I could see that this was true by the amount of work going on in the caves. There were only a handful of people that Jeb could afford to allocate the mirrors to and I knew the moment I saw what the 'mirrors' really were that it would take days; which it did.

Hundreds of shimmering plates of reflective glass wrapped within the circular skylight spread sunlight across the field. I wondered why they had not done this in the other field, where James had taken me not three days before. Ian said that the second field was more visible from the sky and that it would be too dangerous to mark its presence with the sparkling glass.

Ian claimed that the others had wanted to start me off with small jobs to determine whether I was as dedicated to their cause as I appeared to be but he said he trusted me. He assigned me the task of 'ladder protector' and congratulated me on a steady grip as he climbed higher and higher until he was braced against the mirrors glinting surface and scrubbing hard.

It continued this way for three days. We rose early in the mornings and James fetched breakfast for the three of us, which we ate together in the fields. Then he would disappear and arrive again with food and water periodically. When he was there he babbled on as he usually did with more childhood stories and questions, a lot of questions, about life in the 'real world' as he called it. However when he was gone the field was too quiet as Ian couldn't hold a conversation from the top of the ladder. The hush made me feel exposed again and it was in these moments that I could sense the eyes of all of those who did not vote for welcome on my back.

On the final day of our work James returned with dinner for both of us. His face was solemn and he brought no food for himself.

"Are you okay?" I asked, taking the food from him.

I noticed his hands were shaking slightly and his face was paler than usual. Apparently Ian noticed too because he tentatively placed a hand on his son's shoulder.

"James?" he prompted gently.

James raised his head and his eyes met mine for a moment before locking onto his father's. They were glassy and he stifled a sniff.

"Maggie," he choked. "She's gone."

**Oh dear. I'm not really sure where that came from. I hadn't even planned it until I was writing it and then... yeah... Sorry about that for any Maggie fans. The old ducks are getting old though. **

**If you are wondering about any of the ages: Jared and Ian are in their late forties. Jamie is about thirty five by this point. Melanie should be about forty, which makes Wanda about thirty seven if I'm right. William Hurt who played Jeb in the movie is just over sixty, so I took his age as Jeb's and added the twenty year gap that we have between The Host and this fic so he's just beginning his journey into the big eighty. **

**Until next time **


	9. Blamed

Chapter Nine

Maggie's funeral cast a dark cloud over the cave. Melanie and Sharon had not been seen since the news had spread like wildfire and despite their differences, had taken to shutting themselves in Melanie's cave. On occasion, Melanie allowed Wanda to enter with food and water but she was shooed away without invitation to offer more that her heartfelt condolences. Jeb was less secluded, still going about his business around the caves but was stricter in his orders and spent most of his mealtimes with Doc in the hospital.

The tense atmosphere filled every corner of the caves and only my little cave felt like solitude from it. James had joke that the small opening, now covered with an old bed sheet the colour of pink grapefruits that Lily had given me, kept out the sadness. I hoped he was right. Jeb had offered to find me a new cave, something more 'homely' but I insisted on keeping my modest teardrop haven. It was safe here, warm too and well lit by the hole in the roof. James had helped me to decorate it somewhat with a real mattress, instead of the thin bedroll, and flowery, mismatched bedding.

I thought of things that had decorated my room at home; a dream catcher, hooked into the ceiling above my window, the lace canopy that cascaded down over my bed, a mirror, a chair. James had promised me he would ask his mother to look for something pretty the next time she went out on a raid.

Since Maggie's death, James had busied himself with whatever work he could find and had now succumbed to sanding down the fragile wooden table in my cave. He looked up and blew the wood dust from the area he had just finished. I looked up from the bed and watched it swirl in the air where the ribbon of sunlight caught it. He caught my eye for a second and held the table out in from of him. He began to survey the work he had done so far.

"We'll get some paint," he said, clearly saying anything he could think of to avoid the cave from becoming too quiet. "Something bright like yellow or pink. I guess whatever colour you like."

"White would be fine."

He ignored me and went back to scrubbing the dirty table until the pale wood underneath shone through. His brows were knitted tightly together. I knew it was not the work that occupied his thoughts.

"How long had she been ill?" I asked tentatively and for a moment he paused, his fingers frozen.

James sighed and continued scouring. He didn't speak for a while. Finally he put the table down and shunted back against the wall, crossing his legs and leaning his head back against the wall.

"Not long; a week maybe. She had this bite on her leg but she was unconscious so we never found out what it was. Something from the desert probably, it happens every so often but we usually have the medicine to deal with this kind of thing."

He mumbled the last part and there was a tone to his voice that sounded almost angry.

"Usually?"

He opened his eyes and his face was conflicted. His body slumped. His eyes were kind but a little sad. His lips however were pressed together tightly.

"Our last raiding party got a little distracted."

It didn't take me long to understand what he'd meant and my chest tightened. His gaze was fixed on me now and I couldn't look away. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes but I sniffed them back and they dried as quickly as they had come. Through the guilt my instincts were spiked and I could sense that there was more. There was something else that he wasn't telling me.

"What else?"

He blinked himself out of a trance and hunched his shoulders.

"What else is there?"

He shrugged his shoulders. My hands clenched into small fists.

"There's something else, isn't there, James? Tell me. Please, just say it."

He seemed to be struggling internally. His jaw clenched and unclenched. I took in the frown lines that creases his forehead and the way his eyes seemed to turn a stormy grey in his conflict rather than their usual shocking blue. He ran a hand through his disarrayed hair.

"Jared wanted to go back out again the second that we knew you were staying here," he began, "but..."

I couldn't imagine what his reasoning could be now. My stomach clenched uncomfortably as I racked my mind for possible answers. I came up short. What could possibly be more important than getting the medicine they needed?

"But what?" I snapped, a little too harshly.

James' face was still contorted with conflict. His fingers twitched as though he wanted to curl them into fists.

"The Seekers are looking for you."

The jolt that his words sent surging through my body felt like ice. The dark secret, the one I should have told them, hovered at the front of my mind and it felt like an effort to keep the words from spilling through my lips. I forced it back again and swallowed the words that would seal my fate if they were voiced.

"They're crawling up and down the highway looking for you. Every inch of road from here to the Healing Centre is being watched. They've got patrols going in both directions. We can't send Mom or Sunny out because Sunny's still recovering from her fever and Mom can't just drive out on her own into a host of suspicious Seekers. Soul or not, Dad won't agree to that. We're completely cut off from everything. We need medicine and until that harvest comes in we need food, and lots of it. Food and supplies that we can't get."

His voice was tight.

The tears were boiling up inside of me again. My breath became lead as I desperately tried to relieve the weight crashing down on my lungs but it was useless, like I was swallowing molten gold. I tried to apologise but my voice became hoarse in my throat and the tears began to catch in my lashes, dripping down onto my cheeks.

They couldn't know. I could never tell them.

They were suffering because of me. Maggie was dead because I stopped them from saving her. I may not have known her but these people did. These humans, that were now my humans, had loved her the way I loved my own family.

Before I knew what was happening two strong arms pulled me forwards and cradled me close.

"Hey, hey, don't do this," James whispered, tucking my legs over his lap.

I buried my face into the honeyed scent of his shirt and let the tears slide down my cheeks between sniffles. James shushed me and gripped me tighter. He stroked my hair but the movement was stunted like he was unsure whether this would comfort me or not.

My heart burned and a fresh wave of sobs made me cough as my throat tightened.

"Look at me," James said but I ignored him.

He released me with one arm and hooked his fingers under my chin. He pulled my face up to his, repositioning me on the bed so that I could see him clearly.

"Lily, this is not your fault. Do you understand? You didn't ask them to come looking for you and you didn't ask Jared to bring you here either. You can't... you can't do this."

He looked pointedly at the tears that were now drying on my cheeks in little crystal rivers. They made my skin feel taught and dirty. I knew my face would be shiny and my eyes puffy and red.

The secret floated into my thoughts again as I looked into his pleading sapphire eyes.

His palm rested flat against my neck. His thumb traced my jaw and the familiar warmth of his touch eased the pain in my chest, but only slightly. I expected him to say more and tried to encourage him with my eyes but his were no longer focused on mine.

His gaze flickered down for a moment. The gentle pressure on my neck increased slightly and my body moved forward, closer to him, as he drew nearer to me. He was close now, much closer than he had ever been, and his breath washed over my face, steady and cool compared to my ragged, sobbing gasps.

I knew what he wanted. I could imagine it before it happened; how the curve of his lips would melt against mine.

There was the secret again. It pushed forwards more forcefully this time and I was so near to him that I thought he might hear it screaming out, trapped inside my head.

The moment was broken with one movement. I turned my head away from him and his hand fell away from my face. I saw disappointment in his features but it passed as quickly as it had come, replaced by guilt.

James shifted away from me and crossed his legs. I stared down at the hands entwined in my lap and found that they seemed to belong to someone else. My mind was too preoccupied; too busy trying to process the emotions that were so often suppressed and contain the burning secret, to control my body anymore.

I wanted to push the feelings away. I wanted to hide them in the little box that hid away my anger, my frustration and all of the other passions that the Souls shunned in favour of perfection. They were too strong though and James' confession had opened the box. Pandora's box.

I knew that Jeb would begin to ask questions about the Seekers. He would want to know what was important enough about me to warrant such a search.

"I can't," I murmured.

James lifted his face to me. I sucked in a final breath to calm myself.

"My mother; she's one of them. She's a Seeker."

**Oops! A little shorter this time but I felt like the chapter just naturally stopped at this point. I just thought I'd say, that this was a very vulnerable moment for these too and that this story will be somewhat of a slow burner, so don't expect any sexual fireworks yet! **

**I hope you enjoyed this little emotional rollercoaster. **

**I love all of you who have read, reviewed, favourite and followed, but of course I'd love you even more if you dropped a line **


	10. Rejected

**7 Reviews **

**I do really love writing this story but its hard when I don't know what you guys want, or even if you're enjoying what I'm writing! So come on guys, I know you can do better than this. Plus it would make me smile a whole lot. **

**So here's Chapter ten (can't believe its chapter ten already!) with a little awkwardness and a lot of glares. **

Chapter Ten

Awkward. It was not a feeling I'd become accustomed to whilst living with the Souls but it was an atmosphere that I had encountered every day since I entered the caves. Not one of those first tentative days, however, could compare to the stifling tension that seemed to follow me around now.

James, on the other hand, was noticeably absent from my side and since my confession three weeks ago I had barely so much as heard of him, never mind spoken to him. I had expected something like this. Perhaps he would yell at me and tell me that I had put them all in danger, which I already knew. Maybe it was the other 'event.' Maybe he'd changed his mind. This I could understand.

Any one of those things would be preferable however to the crippling loneliness that resulted from the silence. I missed his constant babbling and his soft push on my back when I began to turn the wrong way. Not that I needed that anymore. I had learnt my way around fairly quickly seeing as they didn't really trust me to be alone at first and it was easy to learn by example.

I was now stuck in a strange sort of grey area; accepted but yet rejected in equal measure.

I shifted the basket of dirty laundry into one hand and brushed my hair away from my face. It felt dirty and slick with grease. I'd forgotten to shower in my haste to eat breakfast before everybody else.

The sulphuric odour burned my nose as I grew nearer to the bathing room. I coughed and blinked away the tears that welled up to repel the mists steaming around the corner from the hot springs.

One more corner and they would see me. All of the early bathers, Sharon, Lacey, and Katie, would be waiting just beyond the curve.

I was surprised however to find that they were not alone and did not lower my eyes as I usually did to avoid their malevolent glares. Ian and Jamie stood behind the three women and on seeing my approach, quickly changed their stance to create a barrier between their bodies and mine.

"Good morning," Ian greeted me, "didn't see you at breakfast."

I balanced the basket on my hip whilst giving him a rueful smile. Finally I decided the basket was too heavy and set it down, stretching my tired arms.

"I got up early."

I shrugged. Ian and Jamie looked at each other.

"You've been doing that a lot, Lily," Jamie noted.

I blew out a puff of air and ragged my hand through my hair again.

"It's just easier this way," I said.

Ian eyed me closely and I remembered that look. His eyes were alight with the same blind curiosity that I had seen in them the day they had taken me. For this reason I was wary when he extended his arm out to me.

"I want you to come somewhere with me," he said, stepping forwards and flexing his outstretched hand to catch me attention.

I frowned. My eyes flickered down to my basket and back up to him. I raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"My basket..." I began but Jamie cut me off.

"I've got it." He smiled and bent down, grasping the basket firmly and bouncing it once in his arms. "Not a problem."

"See?" Ian laughed. "All sorted, now come on."

As I didn't move he clasped my hand in his and dragged me through the bathing room, much to the distress of the three women still following me with cold eyes. Before Ian guided me through the exit, Sunny and Kyle emerged from the first dark cave and Sunny smiled warmly.

I wasn't sure where Ian was taking me and he didn't say a word, even when I begged him for clues. The dark scowls followed us as he pulled me through the large open cavern, which had greeted me only a month before, and into another tunnel.

It was darker here. Ian glanced back at me and smiled. I knew that smile meant, 'watch your step.'

I stretched out a hand and grabbed the wall to steady myself as the trail began to incline steeply. Ian slowed, no doubt to steady his own footing, and moved his hand from mine to between my shoulder blades, urging me forwards. It reminded me of James, but this hand was too high and the tingling warmth it usual spread through me did not materialise.

"I'm trusting you with this. No blindfolds," he said adamantly.

I wondered what he could mean but my unspoken question was soon answered.

I could see light ahead and Ian's faint outline beside me became visible in the narrow tunnel. I could see the ceiling sloping downwards. I lowered my head. As we drew closer to the bright opening ahead of us my legs tensed as the ground rose up further. I hunched as the space became smaller and noticed that Ian was now behind me. He was crouched low, holding a hand over his head to protect himself from the gently falling ceiling.

A few more steps and I was there. The opening was no larger than a dustbin lid. I crawled to the edge and I stuck my head out into the one thing I had dreamt about since Ian had heaved me into the Jeep.

Air. Air and sky and sand. Perhaps I hadn't dreamt about sand but now it looked like a vast, stretching blanket of heavenly tan. I backed up into Ian in my haste to stretch out my legs before me and push myself through the small hole.

Behind me, Ian chuckled and followed suit, jumping down onto the rock beside me. It wasn't a large mass; no larger than the game room before it dropped sharply into a sheer cliff face. To me it was beautiful. High, drifting dunes floated on the horizon and sand was all I could see below.

Ian was silent. Once he was satisfied I had taken in the scene at least three times, he touched my arm and continued walking. He stopped at the edge, looked over and sat down, swinging his legs over.

He didn't turn around, didn't look at me, but I could see he was waiting for me to join him. I forced myself to take a deep breath. Ignoring my sweating palms, I walked over to him quickly. Using his shoulder to steady myself I sat down, vowing to look anywhere but down.

Ian sighed.

"He probably never told you this, but this is the first sky James ever saw. Well, it was the first sky he ever saw from outside and not just through some whole in the cave. I told him this bullshit story about how it was a boring world out there and he wasn't missing much but really I just wanted him to know that outside of that rock-" He threw a thumbs up at the cave entrance. "- there are actually still places like this." He paused, staring wistfully out at the landscape. "Not a Soul or human in sight.

"Wasn't always like that. I was sat up here on this ledge with Kyle the first time I ever saw Wanda. She was out there just _wandering_, as she does, back and forth across the entrance. Poor thing was exhausted when Jeb found her; not that I thought that when he brought her here."

Ian face slumped into a guilty grimace.

"When we took you I promised that we wouldn't hurt you and I hope we've fulfilled that promise. I... I tried to strangle Wanda when Jeb brought her back. I have to live with the 'what ifs' of that for the rest of my life. Well, Wanda's story is her's to tell but in the end she made us love her, whether we wanted to or not. But even after all that we still tried to kill Sunny. I didn't want it to be like that for you."

Ian's focus broke away from the desert and he fixed me with wide, guilty eyes. Blue, sapphire eyes, so like James' that I had to force my head away from him.

I decided from that expression alone that I would have to find him soon, just to ask him if he hated me, no matter what the answer was, or I would never survive this place. Everything a person could ever feel felt magnified by the tight tunnels of rock that trapped us all inside the caves together.

"I'm fine," I lied, smiling weakly at him. "Everyone has been very welcoming."

It was a pitiful attempt at deceit but it was the only one I had.

"Now I know that's not true!"

He laughed, his melancholy gone. His eyes searched my face for a moment before they widened and he looked shocked.

"You miss him," he said, almost to himself. "Here I am, dragging you out here to get away from that lot and you're upset because..." he trailed off.

My cheeks burned and I turned back to the horizon, ignoring the incredulous expression on his face.

James' father. This was James' _father_. What had I been thinking coming out here with him at all?

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise you'd want to know where he was."

My head shot back to him.

"You know where he is?" I asked in surprise.

"Of course I do. He's my son, Lily."

I pushed myself back and stood up, brushing my hands on my jeans. Ian followed me and dragged himself to his feet.

"Hey, Lily, calm down. He's raiding," Ian said.

He sounded slightly amused by my reaction. I, however, was not. Raiding? If he was raiding then everybody would know. They had all kept this from me, but then, it wasn't like many people were really talking to me anyway. That's when it occurred to me.

"How can he be raiding? He said the Seekers cut you off," I questioned, trying to catch him out in a lie, if there was one that is.

" Erm, perhaps he should tell you that himself."

Ian seemed a little uneasy now and it irritated me. James was still hiding things from me. He could be in danger, or he could simply be avoiding me. Either way he hadn't said goodbye and now he had his father lying for him too.

Suddenly they looked far too alike. In a daze I gave Ian another sickening glance before I turned around and climbed back into the caves.

I ran. I hurtled through the fields, catching the curious stares of the workers there. The tunnels passed me slowly and I was soon diving beneath the low entrance to my teardrop cave.

I halted when I entered; my feet frozen and my mouth hanging open slightly.

Rainbows of slowly twinkling lights bounced off the walls of my little room. Their source was a rotating mobile of brightly coloured crystals that swayed gently in the sunbeam that cascaded through my natural skylight.

The fleeting specks, like colourful fireflies danced across a lace canopy that spilled over my mattress, separating it from the rest of the room, and finally they illuminated the stark white side table, upon which now sat a small stack of folded clothes.

Lastly my eyes landed on the dirty but bright eyed figure, with white paint splattered across his shirt, that leant casually against the far wall of my cave.

"So, what do you think?" said James, stepping away from the wall and smiling tentatively.

**I always wondered why with Wanda and Sunny to go out raiding they never spruced the place up a bit. So I did some renovating. **

**Remember, I've got my eye on you so I look forward to reading all of your reviews! **


	11. Returned

**Oh thank you! **

**It was lovely to hear from some of you **

**Replies are from my email so if I've got any names wrong or missed people out – I'm sorry! **

**IfDreamsCouldComeAlive –You're review made me smile massively! I was worried that with the love for The Host that I'd get the old characters all wrong and people wouldn't take to the new ones. So I'm glad you like James. I won't pretend I'm not team Ian so chapter ten was really fun to write. **

**Ichigo – Both of your reviews have just affirmed that this story is going in the right direction. Thanks for helping me keep focus. **

**Cheesypriestess – I know you're probably not reading anymore, but still, a big thank you for all of the help you gave. I am always editing but then you've been staring at something for so long it sometimes needs fresh eyes. Thanks! **

**Okay, well on we go! **

James smiled sheepishly. He pushed himself away from the wall and took a step towards me. He stopped in his approach however when he caught the icy glower that I aimed at him.

"Look, I know I shouldn't have…" he began but I interrupted him sharply.

"Three weeks. You abandoned me here for _three weeks_, James," I ground out lowly.

He wrung his hands together and shuffled his feet. The familiar action did not calm me as it usually would have.

"I'm sorry?"

He smiled a crooked half smile, asking me if an apology would save him days of angry silence.

I shook my head.

James edged closer, the twinkling rainbow lights dancing across his face, before taking one long, deliberate step across the room. A foot away from me he leaned back slightly and bent his head down, trying to catch my eye.

I smiled, just a little, despite my attempts not to. He knew he'd already won.

"Erm, so, do you like it? I mean, Mom picked out the clothes and stuff but mostly… yeah, mostly it was just me."

He looked down; concealing a smirk that he knew would only make me angrier.

I was a little surprised when he mentioned Wanda and recalled with dismay that I hadn't even noticed her absence. If I was a Soul I'd have felt cripplingly guilty but Ian, who would have missed her the most, had plenty of friends in the caves, friends that I did not.

Besides that I could see the apology in James' surprise. I was stunned that for once he seemed speechless and instead decided that my room would be a peace offering.

I still wanted to know why he'd left without as much as a goodbye. No, I _needed _to know. I had promised that I would ask him, no matter what the answer was, and I was brave enough for that.

"James," I started, staring at his chest, refusing to look up at him, "why did you just… just leave?"

Silence.

James didn't move. He didn't speak. I summoned my courage and raised my gaze to his face. What I saw there was not the anger that I had feared, or the indifference that made me feel confused. His face was slumped in a clear reflection of resignation.

He looked down at me before blowing out a breath above my head and crossing the room towards my bed. He flopped down on the mattress, his dirty shoes on the floor as he sat on the edge.

"I needed to think for a while. Dad doesn't like letting Mom go on raids without him so I said I'd go instead. I just wanted some distance. I mean, down here, 'my Mom is a Seeker' is kind of a massive bombshell, Lily."

That was my first fear confirmed.

He raised his head to the glistening mobile. The colourful specks danced in his eyes until I blocked it from his view with my body and sat myself down in front of him. My knees twinged for a moment, protesting against the stone floor as I kneeled but I ignored them.

It was my second fear that mattered now.

"And that's the only reason?"

I rested my hands in my lap and twined them together to contain my anxiety.

James slid off the bed and levelled with me. He was close but it felt like miles compared to the intimacy of our last meeting. There was a wall between us now.

"Well I thought, maybe, that you'd want some distance from me too. I did sort of monopolise your time to begin with. When you were crying, I…" he trailed of.

I tilted my head to the side.

"You?" I prompted.

He seemed guilty, and perhaps a little nervous.

"I think I misinterpreted you attention to me," he said it so quickly I had to lean forward to catch it all.

The moment it was said, hanging there in the empty air, his eyes widened and he shook his head in disbelief.

Those words were the wall. It was built quickly but now it was there and it was indestructible. He thought I wasn't interested in him. In a way I wasn't completely certain myself if I was or not.

The Souls did their best to embrace the human's urges. It was part of the mantra to experience not change. That didn't mean my Mother had ever encouraged it. It was one of the many difficulties that she encountered with her Host.

But this was different. This was James. He wasn't an urge; he was a friend. A companion who'd kept me safe and, occasionally, made me feel warm and protected with a touch.

My response was simply a desperate attempt to preserve that.

"You didn't misinterpret anything but…"

"But friends is easier," he finished matter-of-factly.

I nodded. All I could do was nod my agreement, stand up and offer him a hand. He eyed my fingers hesitantly.

"Maybe we shouldn't." He gestured to my outstretched hand which I abruptly dropped back to my side.

My heart sank with it and the wall grew taller and thicker. I became afraid that it would soon be so high that I could not see him anymore.

"Oh," I whispered to myself as I walked alone to the exit. In the tunnel I waited for him to join me.

I didn't tell him where we were going but he followed me anyway. The low grumbling of his stomach confirmed my suspicions. He was hungry.

We walked in silence to the kitchen but I held him back by his arm before he could enter.

"I really do like the room. Thank you."

I looked him in the eye so he could see that I was sincere.

"You're welcome."

I could hear the disappointment in his voice. He had wanted more from his gesture. In a way so had I, only I hadn't realised that before. His apology had meant to bring us closer but it had only mortared the invincible barrier between us.

The kitchen was more crowded than I had expected. I assumed lunch had begun earlier today to feed the returned raiders. Across the room, Wanda perched on Ian's lap, his arms curled around her thin waist. I remembered what James had said about him not allowing her out on raids without his protection. The way his arms locked around her now I wondered if he'd ever let her go again.

I was wrong however as Ian jumped up from his seat and slid Wanda into the chair he had occupied. She looked up for a moment and gave me a knowing smile. I mouthed a 'thank you' for the clothes and she turned back to her food. Meanwhile Ian had crossed the kitchen in three long strides and embraced his son in a hug that seemed to almost knock the wind out of him. James laughed over Ian's shoulder and I was momentarily jealous of the joy in it. He hadn't laughed like that with me for so long, not that we had actually been together for more than a week.

A week. It was so short I couldn't believe it. I'd come to think of everything in months. A month since I was taken. A month since my life here began. A month since I had seen my parents or my home.

I was broken away from my thoughts by Melanie.

"Lily? Lily?" she called, waving a hand dramatically in front of me.

"Sorry, what?"

She laughed. "I said: it's good to see you." She picked a roll up from the counter beside us. "It's nice to be home," she remarked.

Then she took a bite of bread, threw the rest of the roll on a plate and began piling it high with fresh fruit, leafy salad, some potato chips and a slice of cheese.

"Eating for two, Mel?" I stage whispered.

Her eyes widened.

"Oh, God no!" She peaked over her shoulder. "Don't go giving Jared any ideas. The perishables don't last long so you best start eating." She pointed a finger at me. "And don't think I haven't seen you with your tiny sandwiches. There's work to do around here and you need food for fuel."

She smiled to show that she was joking and shook her head, apologising for giving me the 'mom' rant.

Despite her comment I followed her example and added a few crackers to my plate on top of copying Melanie's selections.

One glance across to James told me that he was still deeply engaged in a hushed discussion with his father. I continued to the table that Melanie had just sat down at and took the empty chair to Jared's left. He shot me a quick greeting through a mouthful of bread and Wanda tutted.

"Honestly Jared, you're as bad as Freedom," she admonished, waving to a dark skinned man sat at the table behind who was quickly shovelling food into his mouth between laughing at Brandt's jokes.

Jared narrowed his eyes at her but smiled all the same.

We ate leisurely as Elle and Lucy took turns telling stories about the mischief they'd caused in the caves. As they chattered Ian and James joined us again, both with smiles on their faces but serious, troubled eyes. The creases in Ian's forehead were defined by the leftover tension of a frown.

James eyes met mine briefly but he redirected them to his plate and began to eat, careful to never let his mouth become empty so I might speak to him.

Once the twins had finished and excused themselves, racing off down the tunnel to the main plaza, we ate in comfortable silence. It was soon broken by Wanda as she pushed her empty plate away from her and rested her arms on the table.

"So, Lily, have you learnt your way around yet?"

I raided my head to the sound of my name.

"Yes, just about. I mean, I couldn't tell you exactly which room belongs to who but I know how to get where I'm going."

Wanda seemed satisfied with that but there was something in the tight smile she gave me that made me ill at ease combined with Ian and James' hardened expressions and the façade that they covered them with.

"That's good. It took me a long time to figure out my way around too, but it was much easier once I knew I was staying, once you stop focusing on the world outside. I suppose you've found the same thing now you're staying too."

**A bit of a filler. It can't be helped though. I feel kind of bad for friend zoning James but ya know what they say: Rome wasn't built in a day. **

**Read and review and the next chapter will be up very, very soon. **

**Bye bye for now. xoxo**


	12. Paralysed

**ONE THOUSAND VIEWS! **

**Now that may not be a lot to some FanFiction veterans out there but to me, well that's just huge. **

**Also a big thank you to my lovely favouriters and follows, I'm glad to see new names popping up. **

**My reviewers, you're all just so lovely. A few replies: **

**Ichigo – Thank you, as always. X**

**mundane-pansycakes**** – Ha! I love your name. Firstly, your name question has been added to my Q&A on my bio so that's your answer ****. About older Lily (let's call her Lily 2) though: I think **_**dead **_**would be a little dramatic. As I'm basing this on characters as they are in the film, which the events from the book, Jeb is about sixty in the Host and therefore about eighty here. I see Lily 2 as part of the middle generation. The actor that plays her, beautiful Raeden Greer, in the movie isn't that old at all but for the purpose of the story I'm taking her as late thirties in the book, so she's in her late fifties now. If I have to kill her off then I think Kyle and everybody else would be off to early graves too! **

Chapter Twelve

The returning raider had made life easier in the caves by arriving home with arms full of desperately needed clothes, tools, food and a new chair for Doc's office, which he appreciated immeasurably.

Whilst the chores were mundane enough to numb my mind from thinking too long on James' strange behaviour, I was beginning to become concerned about the blank look in his eyes.

For weeks he spoke very little, or at least very little for him, and was almost always missing. Ian had assured me that it was his turn to play lookout but Melanie claimed that he was just busy helping Doc 'spring clean' the hospital. On further investigation I found the hospital to be much the same as it always was, if not more cluttered than Doc usually kept it. It was not until even Wanda became reluctant to speak to me, other than about chores or the universe, that I decided there was something they were hiding from me.

I found Jeb in the main field. He was long past harvesting the wheat himself but he dutifully perched himself on a ledge cut into the wall to oversee his workers. I crossed the field with hurried steps, ignoring the worried looks my stern face earned from the workers.

Sharon's expression had not changed since our last meeting and her hatred stung me as it rolled across the walls of wheat between us. Behind her, Sunny's brow creased in worry and Kyle mouthed a 'You okay?' in my direction. I shook my head and Kyle bent down to Sunny's ear. She seemed to relax somewhat and I felt better about that. At least somebody wasn't worried about me, or angry at me, or, in James' case, completely indifferent to my presence.

I turned away from them all and continued my path around the field to Jeb. He said nothing as I took a seat beside him. I waited for him to speak first. It was clear from the resigned glint in his eyes that he had been anticipating this very conversation.

We sat in silence.

"So, cat got your tongue, kid?" he said. His voice was deep but had a soothing edge that more often than not put me at ease. Except for today.

"No," I replied, raking my hair out of my face. It was still wet from my morning wash.

"Then I assume you've got something to say."

He turned to me and his faded blue eyes, hooded by wrinkled skin, glinted in the darkness.

I nodded.

"I just want to know what's going on," I muttered quickly.

He turned his head back to the field and nodded to himself. His white beard jiggled as he licked his lips and sighed like the conversation exhausted him. I'd noticed he did that a lot. Perhaps he was finally beginning to realise that most things exhausted him.

"This field needs a whole lotta people working on it. You can't have one person working harder than the others though or else you end up with just one skinny strip of wheat that's not much good for feeding anyone. Not fair for hard workers to starve now is it? You've worked hard since you got here.

"Thing is though, we've all gotta work hard, Lily, real hard. This is a community and under my roof that means we live in harmony."

He paused, leaning out of the alcove we sat in. He whistled, and Jamie, who'd been talking to Isaiah with his scythe cast aside, promptly picked it up again and began cutting away at the rows of wheat furiously.

Jeb leaned back again.

"You see, every so often something happens that messes up that harmony. It splits the community in two. First it was Wanda, bless her little Soul," he laughed, "then Sunny, and now, well, now it's you."

My stomach churned a little and he could sense my worry.

"Oh don't go getting upset about it; we're not about to throw you out into that wasteland."

My stomach knotted again and images of sand snakes and scorpions flashed in front of my eyes. I shuddered with revulsion.

Jeb's explanation made sense. It was natural that some of them wouldn't believe me. This situation was more complicated than Wanda's had been, if that was possible. I was human and that meant I could lie to them, play on their weaknesses in a way the Souls could not. I knew that scared them.

None of what he had said however explained the way that those I considered to be my friends had been acting.

"But James has accepted me and now he won't speak to me!" I exclaimed suddenly, exasperated.

Jeb looked a little surprised but recovered himself quickly.

"Well now James is just a little busy at the moment," he clarified but I could hear the forced nonchalance in it.

"Doing what? Cleaning the hospital with Doc? Washing dishes? Out on lookout? Because I'm starting to think he's not doing any of those things, Jeb."

Jeb chewed the inside of his cheek. I could almost see the cogs turning in his head and I held my breath, afraid that even the sound of my breathing would distract him.

I was on the edge. The precipice of the answers I wanted and if he said nothing I was prepared to hurl myself over the edge after those answers.

"Hey, Jared," Jeb shouted hoarsely, breaking out of his reverie.

Beside Jamie, Jared stood up and wiped the sweat from his creased brow with his arm.

"Yeah?" he yelled back, dropping his blade.

Jeb waved him over and stood up from the ledge. I followed him. I noticed for the first time that he leaned more heavily on his right leg, the left lolloping along behind a second too late.

Jared swung down and grabbed his shirt from the dusty ground. He tugged it over his head as he walked towards us.

Fully dressed, he stopped in front of Jeb and his eyes flickered from Jeb, to me, and back again.

"What do you need, Jeb?" he asked, rubbing dirt from his hands.

Jeb looked at me. "Lily here needs to see James and I was just wondering if you wanted to show her the way."

From the way he said it both Jared and I both knew it didn't matter if Jared _wanted_ to or not.

"Sure," Jared said.

Jeb waved us off, slumping himself back onto the ledge. Jared began to lead me quickly through the winding network of tunnels until we burst out into the main plaza. I almost had to run to keep up with the strides of his long legs. The plaza was empty. I didn't think I'd ever seen it empty and it seemed much more expansive than before. We had reached the inclining tunnel that I had taken with Ian and I stopped.

Jared turned back to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

His face took on a far away look, like he was experiencing déjà vu.

"I'm fine; it's just that I've been here before. I know the way from here."

His brows knitted together.

"You know the way outside?"

He seemed taken aback that I had been permitted such information. I should have been insulted that even he didn't trust me yet but instead it was amusing to me, as the knowledge was useless anyway.

"What are you expecting me to do, Jared? I'm not sure this shirt is quite big enough to abseil down that cliff.

I smiled and stepped past him. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut his off before he could say more than a word.

"But-"

"I'm fine, Jared."

For a moment he didn't seem to know what to do but I didn't stay to find out. I felt safer this time as I stepped into the darkness, allowing it to cloak me in shadow. The perfect hiding place.

The tunnel grew steeper and narrower as I remembered and it didn't feel like long before I could see the orb of light ahead of me.

Sky. I had decided on my last visit that this was my favourite view of it because I knew that just a few more steps and I could be out there, truly beneath it. It always seemed so far away through the gaping holes in the field and the plaza.

As the exit grew nearer I could just make out the sandy crown of James' head. Beside him stood another man with jet black hair wound into tight coarse ringlets.

I slipped my feet out of the hole and jumped down onto the rock behind them, freezing when they spun around, their eyes alight with an instant fire.

James was the first to react and dropped the binoculars he had planned on using as a weapon onto the soft matt spread out on the ground.

His burning blue eyes didn't leave mine as he spoke to his companion.

"Freedom, do you think you could give us a minute?"

Freedom grunted a quick reply and scrabbled back into the caves, dragging his long legs through the narrow entrance behind him.

"Found me then," commented James.

There was a soft breeze today that eased the baking heat of the desert but my skin still burned with a blush that spread up my neck. It suddenly seemed embarrassingly pathetic to have searched for him for so long.

"It wasn't as hard as I would have thought. You mother did tell me you were good at Hide and Seek."

James smiled a half smile, probably reminiscing on his childhood games, and sat himself down on the matt. He patted the space beside him. I hesitated but his wink drew me forwards and I took a seat beside him.

"You're mad at me," I said, tugging my knees up beneath my chin.

He barked out a laugh and looked at me incredulously.

"Now who told you that? Of course I'm not mad at you."

I supposed that was good.

"Well you're not exactly around anymore. When I first got here you wouldn't leave me alone and now I barely see you," I grumbled.

It was selfish, I knew, to want him with me but it helped me feel like I knew what I was doing in the caves. I had told everybody that I wanted to stay. I _did _want to stay here and live here, but before that moment I hadn't realised how much that depended on James' company.

"Lily, when you first got here you didn't know your way around and half of those idiots wanted…"

He didn't finish. He didn't need too. 'To kill me,' was what he had meant to say. Another shiver rolled over me.

"Are you cold?" James asked.

"No."

Despite his concern I still sat in the shade of the same impenetrable wall that separated us indefinitely.

"Look, James, I don't know what it is that you're not telling me but I won't wait anymore. If you won't tell me what's going on around here then I will find out another way."

I began to clamber to my feet but he grabbed my hand and stood with me. I struggled against his hold but he gripped me tighter.

"Please, please, just don't run off," he pleaded.

He loosened his grasp on me but did not release my hand.

"Then answer my questions," I shot back.

"You really want to know?"

He pulled me closer. My feet shuffled, hesitant to welcome his sudden nearness.

I nodded, biting my lip.

I could see his mouth moving but I was paralysed by what he said. My hand began to sweat in his as he spoke in a voice that was barely a whisper.

"She's not giving up."

**Ooooo…**

**I actually don't have anything to say about that. I guess I'll just get on to writing the next one. **

**As I said in my authors note at the top, another question has been added to my Q&A on my profile so if you want to know how Lily got her name then go have a look at that. **

**Now to prevent this story from becoming too slap dash I want a chapter in a little while that's not so much dedicated to storyline but just a nice characterisation chapter, or a typical 'life in the caves' chapter. What I'm saying, is that of course I can come up with something myself or if there's anything that you particularly want to happen or maybe just a cute moment you'd like me to write, then let me know and I'll dedicate that chapter to you **


	13. Desired

**if dreams could come alive**** – Now I feel bad for updating so slowly!I blame writers block. I think before they've always been afraid that they can't trust the Souls but now they can't trust what's going on in her head. Hopefully this chapter will be romantic for you!**

**Mandragora HM – It's harder writing them grown up than I thought. I wanted them all to be much happier but Jared will always be brooding! **

**mundane-pansycakes – Completely unrelated but I can't believe I've only just realised Reinserted is your story! Love it! If any of you haven't read it, you definitely should. **

**This chapter is actually embarrassingly short. I'm not sure what happened with this one but it was just so hard to write. I felt like it just needed to end where it did, all ominous and such to make for a big reveal next chapter. Anyways, it's awful and I'll probably end up updating it and adding more but yeah, here's a pretty big moment. **

Chapter Thirteen

"Who? Why? What do you mean 'she's not giving up'?"

My words came out frantically and although I had asked him who 'she' was, I already knew: Mother. No, not my mother the woman who had brought me into the world. No, this was my mother the Seeker. Ruthless and determined.

"She can't. It's not fair, James, it's so unfair."

His hand stroked my hair briefly, and then slipped down to cup both of my cheeks. This thumbs swiped the tears that now fell unwillingly from my wide eyes.

"Lily, no, please don't cry on me again. You know I can't deal with the crying," he whispered, holding my face firmly and smiling at me. He bent down, his face inches from mine.

I sobbed a choked reply but I knew it was unintelligible.

I also knew why I was crying and it racked me with sobs again. I knew it was silly and no matter how I pleaded they would probably mob me if they knew but it was true all the same. _She was so close._ It was a whine in my thoughts and it crushed me.

My mother, my childhood protector, she was so close I could almost feel her arms around me, shushing me in the same way that James was. My ferocious anger melted away as I realised, as if for the first time, how desperately worried she must be. It would drive her to keep looking and if she failed, my father would push her to look again. It was childish to think that they didn't love me. They were still Souls despite their faults.

My skin felt unusually cold as James arms released me. My eyes were clouded but through the tears I could see his blue eyes burning. His hands gently caressed my neck and I blushed against my will.

"Lily, why do you always have to cry when I want to kiss you?"

It was barely a whisper, more a gravelly murmur. I fought for focus through the scorching heat of his breath on my face but my mind was too muddled to form a response before my stomach clenched and his lips fell on mine.

After what felt like an eternity my instincts overtook my senses and I responded to the pressure of his hand on my back by moulding myself closer to him. Tentatively my hands slid from his chest to his neck, pulling his head towards me. I stretched up on my toes; gripping James' shoulders to steady myself as blinding heat consumed every nerve in my body.

James' lips were smooth and his skin burned with the same fire that swept over me. Despite my frenzied breath, he continued slowly, gently, regardless of my efforts to drag him closer. It was an earthquake; a kiss that little by little shifted the earth and tore down the walls that had so resiliently divided us.

Then it was over and the flames died to sputtering embers.

James stepped away abruptly, his expression stunned. He cleared his throat awkwardly and raked a hand through the hair that I had already destroyed.

"I'm sorry, I just..." he trailed off.

The shocked monotone of his voice made him seem surprised he had really done it, or perhaps my reaction had astounded him more.

I couldn't speak.

James' stared vacantly out at the horizon.

I swallowed, forcing down the lump in my throat.

"James, you don't have to apologise. I want... to be honest I have no idea what I want."

The laugh that burst through my lips after that was slightly hysterical but it made him laugh too.

The dry air tingled to life as we laughed together, the passionate encounter of a moment ago, all but forgotten.

"You _never_ know what you want," sighed James.

The laughter in his voice was underpinned by melancholy. It was a sad truth to both of us.

"I know."

He nodded, almost to himself.

"Well it's getting dark; we should probably get in."

He was right. Only now did I notice the chill that descended upon us as the sun sank lower in the sky, dipping behind a rock formation to the West and casting dark shadows on his sculpted face, turning his hair an ashy grey.

An hour later, having eaten, James and I joined Melanie and Jared in the game room. Wanda and Ian were already battling a huffing Kyle who was now holding his hands up in surrender as Wanda kicked a well worn football through his legs.

"I am way too old to still be doing this with you, Ian. Congratulations, it taken you a lifetime but you've finally beaten me," Kyle wheezed.

I couldn't help but laugh as I entered the game room behind James and took a seat beside Freedom and Isaiah who chuckled too.

James took over Kyle's place in goal as Kyle lay down, his chest rising and falling with a giggling Sunny leaning over him.

Freedom's voice in my ear pulled me from the couple's exchange.

"I'm not sure I've ever been so thoroughly dismissed," he said, leaning over to bump his shoulder with mine.

I blushed.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

My voice was unusually bright in my attempt to conceal my embarrassment. The knowing glint in Freedom's eyes didn't help.

He chuckled to himself. He leant forward and shouted encouragements at Wanda as she scored. He turned back to me.

"He's a good guy and it's always nice to have people your own age around here but, God, he doesn't have to be so serious all the time."

He laughed again.

"That isn't true," I insisted, taking in the deep frown lines that spread across James forehead. They matched the concentrated creasing of his father's. "Well, he's not serious _all _the time."

"Of course not," Freedom quipped, smiling to himself.

As more well fed players entered the game room I was vaguely aware of teams being divided and a frenzied game of football taking place but my attention was distracted by a sweating Wanda waving her arms dramatically at a tied looking Jeb. Beside her, Melanie reached out for her hands and spoke softly to her. From my seat across the room I couldn't hear what Melanie was saying and Wanda's frustrated yells were but a murmuring of unintelligible sounds that drifted over to me. Wanda jabbed her finger sharply at Jeb's chest. He coughed and recoiled, his eyebrows rising in surprise as Melanie's mouth opened in shock.

It was very un-Soul-like for Wanda to explode in this way. On second thoughts, it was very unlike Wanda herself to be so aggressive.

Despite Melanie's futile attempts to calm her, Wanda turned on her heel and swept past me, muttering a sharp greeting like her body rejected the very action.

James caught my eye as I turned my attention back to the game. The ball flew to his left as his concentration lingered on me and Ian's bark of triumph startled me.

The flare of irritation at the loss of the game in James' eyes reminded me again of the heated blue flames in Wanda's eyes.

My skin crawled with a sensation that made me feel like I should follow her. It fell upon me like a creeping darkness that took root deep in the pit of my stomach.

I shook my head at James as he began to walk towards me and stood up, quickly slipping into the tunnel that would take me back to the plaza. I decided to start with Wanda and Ian's room first and the dark nausea set in again as I began to worm my way through the tunnels.

The sun had set and the darkness in the plaza was absolute as thick black clouds obscured the stars.


End file.
